Dying Changes Everything
by Sophie Ranier
Summary: Team Gibbs always plays by the rules, but when the Grim Reaper lingers close to one of their own, the rules don't apply anymore. Tiva: A Tragic Story Of Life, Love, and Letting Go.
1. Words

**Ok, so this idea popped into my head. I didn't want it to, but once it was in my cranium, I couldn't get it out. I have never killed anyone in my stories, cept Ducky in All These Years, but I didn't necessarily kill him per se. I just mentioned he was dead. **

**So, this is a good story if you need a good cry. And it's really emotional, probably the most emotional story I've ever written.**

**Anyways, read, review, and tell me what you think.**

**

* * *

**

"_Strumming my pain with his fingers…killing me softly with his song." –Killing Me Softly, The Fugees_

_

* * *

_

He had noticed _everything_.

The frequent out-of-the-building lunch breaks, the strange phone calls in the middle of the day, the more than required risk taking, and lately she had been breaking Rule 3.

And then there were the times, after a hard case when they sat lazily around the bullpen, relaxing, sometimes eating, talking. He noticed the smile on her face and the glisten of her eyes as she looked around the bullpen, her eyes lingering on every being in her presence.

Not that there was anything wrong with enjoying your friend's presence. It was just…different from what he was used to. And add that to her already strange and secretive behavior and he had one suspicious ninja on his hands.

But Tony Dinozzo just couldn't add it up. Nothing made sense. He had spent so many nights trying to put the pieces together, but he just couldn't. Some would call it an obsession; some would just see it as caring for a friend. Either way, it had taken up most of him time and was constantly trying to find the answer.

This went on for a few weeks. He never approached her about it; only leaving subtle hints that he knew something was up. But she had acted perfectly normal around _him_, aside from the more than usual laughter at his jokes and the last few canceled movie nights.

Then, the coughing fits started. They didn't come too often, but when they did, they were bad. She would sit at her desk or in the car and just cough for a good minute or two. And then she would just brush it off like she didn't just sound like she was coughing up her guts.

"_Are you alright?" he would ask, concerned._

"_I am fine." she would say casually, catching her breath. "I think I may just be catching a fly."_

"_Bug." he would correct._

"_A fly is a bug, yes?" she would protest, changing the subject. _

"_Yea but…" and he would give in, rambling on about something and never touching on the subject of her earlier cough attack. _

And then, he finally had enough.

Now he knew what she felt like when he was sneaking around with Jeanne. But this wasn't a boyfriend. It just didn't make any sense. And if anything, Ziva would probably tease him about not having seen anyone for a while.

She had just rounded the front of the bullpen, coming behind her desk. She took off her jacket and placed it on the back of her chair. Another coughing fit began, smaller than the others but just as painful to listen to.

All this was after having left the building for over an hour, having simply told Tony to 'cover for her', not giving any details as to where she was going or when she was coming back.

Tony's narrow, concerned eyes were on her since the elevator opened, while McGee had just looked up at her when she began coughing. Gibbs looked over at her worryingly as she got up and headed for the bathroom, her cough growing worse.

Tony watched her close the door. He waited anxiously for a few seconds. Soon, he couldn't resist. He had had enough of this. He jumped off his seat and bolted for the door, causing Tim to shoot a questioning look in Gibbs' way as the silver fox's own eyes followed Tony.

He stopped at the door, hearing a muffled voice behind the surface; Ziva's muffled voice, talking to someone that was not physically there.

"_Yes, alright." he heard her cough. "Thank you."_

He burst open the door, startling her as she quickly hung up her phone and stashed it in her pocket. She looked at him with casual questioning eyes.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked straightforwardly, his voice not rising and his expression staying cold on her face.

Her eyebrows furrowed on him in confusion. "Excuse me?" she asked slowly.

"Ziva…" he shook his head warningly but she just scoffed. Turning around to face the mirror, she ran her fingers through her curls. He could see her jaw tense as her eyes tried to stay on her own reflection and not wander over to his.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and stood there, perfectly still, motionless. Until finally, her eyes slipped and met his hard stare. She let go, exhaling deeply, and turned around.

As he stared deeply into her eyes he could see the growing pain and hurt. They were not Ziva's usual eyes. He couldn't remember a time he had seen her eyes, her face, so full of distress. They seemed to be calling for help. Even in Somalia her eyes weren't like this. They were just broken then, easily fixable by a few days of therapy and bullpen banter.

But the apathy in her eyes was contagious and he soon found himself catching a glimpse of the misery that filled her chocolate browns.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, almost a whisper, his demeanor changing from a jealous husband to that of a concerned lover.

She shook her head, breathing slowly as she turned back around. But instead of looking at her reflection, her eyes went to the smooth counter.

"Ziva, what's going on." he asked softly, reaching his hand out to her shoulder but she pulled inward, turning her head to the side.

He pulled back his hand, now a little frustrated. "Just tell me what it is."

She stayed quiet. He wanted so much to just run out of there and forget about this and wait for her to eventually open up, but her eyes…they were too much for him to bear. He knew this was something much larger and deeper than he had thought.

With her fists held tight at her side she contemplated telling him, but she couldn't, she promised herself she wouldn't. They would find out soon anyway.

But she wanted so badly to scream it at him, get it over with. It would all be over within a few weeks, maybe days, anyway.

His raised his voice slightly and his words became sterner. "Don't do this Ziva. Just…tell me. Maybe I can help." he said with traces of hopefulness.

She shook her head again tightening her lips together. "No, you cannot." she whispered weakly.

"Well how do I know that?" he came closer to her. He could almost smell the lavender embedded in her hair. "Just look at me." he begged, caringly and softly.

She shook her head again. She wanted him so badly to leave. She wanted so badly to be alone, right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to find out like this.

"Ziva." he said one last time, putting his hand on her shoulder.

She turned around quickly at his touch, rage and frustration stained her eyes. He recoiled at her expression, but stood most of his ground.

"I am dying Tony!" she shouted in anger, immediately regretting having spoken anything as she covered her mouth with her hand and grimaced in pain.

Her dam had broken.

The truth was out. He knew. It was over. _Or had it just began?_

His eyebrows furrowed on his forehead. So many emotions, so little expressions.

Had he heard her right? No, he couldn't have. Ziva was not dying. Was that even possible?

A heavy, uncomfortable silence lingered in the bathroom for a moment. Ziva stood there, hand still cover her mouth. But she had since ripped her eyes off of him, looking to the floor and hating herself for letting a few tears run aimlessly down her face.

He looked at her with a shocked, confused, painful expression. Still sinking in her words and their meaning, cutting his heart like a knife.

His mouth hung open, not knowing what to say. He could see by her hysterical demeanor that this was not a joke. Instead of words, he opened his arms, only slightly, but she took solace in them anyway.

Tony absently brushed her curls down as she dampened his shoulder with her tears. He stared into the mirror, watching himself like an out of body experience. It was a rare sight to see; Ziva crying, the two hugging, so close.

He pulled her out of his embrace, sooner than either of them wanted, and looked into her eyes. "W-what?" he asked, he voice breaking.

She wiped a few stray tears from her eyes and balanced herself on the edge of the counter. "I have terminal pancreatic cancer." she whispered as his face dropped.

"No." he said softly to himself in disbelief.

She nodded slowly, subtly. "They did not realize it in time." she explained slowly, calmness rushing back into her. This is how she had planned it; to quietly explain it to him, to them. She wiped another tear from her cheek.

_How long?_ He wanted to know, but was afraid to ask, no, afraid of the answer.

She could read his eyes; she knew what he was thinking, always had. "Four months, if that much." the words felt dry as they exited her mouth.

His eyes finally wandered upwards to catch hers. They were empty. She was killing him, softly with each word. With each second that passed by, it all became too real, every second he did not see that sly grin on her face sent daggers through his heart.

_Four months_ wasn't enough, four _years_ wasn't enough; forty years, _at least_.

_For what?_ A voice in his head scoffed. _It's not like you were going to tell her anyway. Face it Dinozzo, you've been breaking Rule 8 for a looong time. You should've learnt that after Somalia. _It taunted him with the truth.

And then, after another long silence, he started to add everything up. The "lunch breaks" to the doctors, the check up calls from them, the taking no moment for granted, but one thing that didn't add up was the risk taking, which was starting to get worse.

"You understand now, yes?" she questioned confidently. She watched his pain in silence. And before she knew it, he was gone, lost in thought. His body was there but Tony, _Tony _wasn't there. And she had done this to him.

Guilt rushed over her. She knew she was going to feel this way, the doctor had already told her all of the feelings she would experience, some of them new, some of them amplified from past emotions. But his face, his sadness, was killing her, slowly and softly.

She rubbed a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "I am not pitying myself." she paused. "And neither will you." she commanded softly, her hand still lingering on his shoulder.

Squeezing his shoulder, she brought him back. "You will not have to suffer much, neither will I." she forced a smile. "I am not letting this win. I will not die pathetically." He shot her a look of confusion. She took in a deep breath. "I will die in the line of duty, quick, painlessly…strong even." she explained slowly and passionately, having thought about this for weeks. She said it so simply, like it was nothing. But it was _everything_.

He shook his head absently, taking in every word but the only ones that stuck were _I will die._

"I have told no one yet, but now that you know…" she trailed off in her own words. "I was going to have everyone over for dinner…and tell them then." she explained softly and innocently.

She brushed his cheek lovingly and was tempted to place a kiss on his cheek, but she didn't. He was too confused and dumbfounded to notice her leave silently, like a true lioness.

Her recent words filled his head, haunting him to no end.

"_I am dying Tony."_

"_You understand now."_

"_Quick and painless."_

"_Neither will you."_

"_Four months."_

"_I will die..."_

And then, a blast from a past. Words that came back to him, stabbing him in the back like the popular girl in a high school.

"_Couldn't live without you I guess."_

But _could_ he? _Would_ he?

* * *

**Sad, I know right? But it gets really sweet. **

**And there's a twist. So review, please, you'll make my day. **


	2. Murder

**Wow. Thanks for all the kind reviews. Like the summary says, this is going to be a sad story. So bring your tissues.**

**But you really only need them for the end, which is a few chapters away.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated, a bit more than story alerts actually, just sayin *nudge, nudge***

**

* * *

**

_"Losing my sight, losing my mind. Wish someone would tell me I'm fine."- Last Resort, Papa Roach_

_

* * *

_

And he stood there; motionless, speechless, emotionless.

Never had he been so utterly confused and unknowing in his entire life.

The words were beginning to fully latch onto his cranium. The words mocked him.

They were words, and now that they had been said, they could never be taken back. Those three simple words, that meant so much.

Those three words had so much power; the power to break, the power to build.

You could embrace those four syllables, or ignore them. The second won't help. The first, could change your life forever. Which is exactly what those three words will do to Tony and Ziva's lives, _change them forever_.

_I am dying._

She was _dying_.

_Ziva_ was dying.

And the worst part, he couldn't do _anything_ about it.

That's what killed him. That's what ate away at him. There was _nothing_ he could do. _  
_

And then the rest sunk in.

She was going to get herself killed. Shot or torn to pieces by a bomb. Either way, she was Ziva, she was an assassin, she was a crazy ninja, she wasn't going to let this win.

She wasn't going to be the victim. She wouldn't even let the inevitable win over her.

_But she has a point_. There was the voice again. _You're gunna kill yourself if you have to put up with seeing her like that. It's easier to die than to watch someone die. _

He hated that the voice was right. He hated that Ziva was right.

He longed for those three words to change. To change into any other three words, _any other_.

_What?_ Oh, god she's back. _I love you? Yea, you should have thought about that a while ago Dinozzo. You knew it all along._ He sighed, she was right.

Then, the voice got sweeter. _You may not have a lot of time Tony, you should spend it wisely. _

He nodded. She was right, she was _always_ right, except when _he_ was right.

* * *

Tony walked back to the bullpen, frazzled to say the least. He looked over to Ziva's desk. She sat there, casually flipping through a file.

He sat down slowly, his lost eyes not leaving her. She felt his stare and met his frazzled yet empty expression, nodding slowly and subtly as he absently stared at her.

Although he didn't nod, they had a mutual mental agreement. He understood, not completely, but he agreed. It was her right to tell them. But the urge grew with each passing second to shout at Gibbs, tell him to rationalize with her, but there was no rationalizing with her, she was right.

But an ice piercing whistle brought him out of his trance and his eyes towards Gibbs. "Dinozzo!" he barked. Tony looked at him, stupidly innocent. "Something wrong?" he questioned coldly, having seen Tony in a silent trance.

Tony stared at his boss for a moment, shouting in his head. _Yes! Everything is wrong! The whole world is turned upside down. Ziva's dying, what's not wrong?_ But he declined to say anything and shook himself out of his own thoughts.

"Nothing boss."

_What a load of bull._

_

* * *

_

The day went by, slowly but surely. Most of it seemed like a blur for Tony, who spent the whole day on autopilot. And soon, he found himself in front of Ziva's apartment, having already knocked on the door. He came out of his trance, looking around him, confusingly adjusting to the new environment.

Ziva soon opened the door, she looked calm and collected. She looked a bit surprised that he was standing at the door, and a little concerned at his frazzled state.

"Tony, you are early." she stated, forcing a smile, letting him in anyway.

Tony blinked his focus away from her. "Yea…um," he tried to get himself together. "Just came to see if you needed any help." he said slowly, avoiding as much eye contact with her as he could.

She paused, looking at him deeply, trying to make him look directly at her. Letting out a defeated sigh, she looked still looked at his distracted eyes when she spoke. "I could use a little. Thank you Tony." she said softly and sweetly, with a sad smile.

_Her voice. _

He loved it when she said his name, so much. He could add that to the immense list of things he was going to miss.

But he pushed those out of his mind. He pushed _everything_ out of his mind.

She opened the door more, letting him in. When he entered her apartment, he took a good look around. It looked the same.

_Were you expecting something different?_ That damn, sweet voice interjected. But she was right. Was he?

He followed her into the kitchen, keeping an eye on her every move. But she acted perfectly normal, going back to the stove, mixing the rice that was cooking in the pan. He could hear the sizzling of the frying pan, the soft hum of the refrigerator, and the ringing of the stove alarm.

She placed the wooden spoon on top of the rice, and with an oven mitt, took out the chicken that had been cooking in the oven. "Tony." she called.

Her voice pierced their silence. He looked at her attentively. "Would you mind setting the table?" she asked ever so sweetly and casually.

Her command caught his attention and he nodded before going through her cabinets. He had memorized where everything was from their movie nights.

Everything was soon set and the food was out on the clothed table. She let out a relieved sigh as she set down the chicken in the middle, stepping back to take a look at the masterpiece. "Perfect." she breathed, admiring their work.

She turned to him, a proud smile painted on her face, but it soon dissipated when she saw his solemn expression. "Tony…" she took a few steps closer to him. "Please, do not do this." she quietly pleaded, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I did not even want to tell anyone." she said sadly.

He narrowed his eyes on hers. "So what, you were just gunna get killed? Just like that?" traces of anger filled his voice.

"No." she replied quietly, her eyes capturing his. "Ducky would have found out when he performed the autopsy. You would have known."

"You've got this whole thing planned out, don't you?" he shook his head, watching her expression drop. "This is a big deal Ziva."

She dropped her hand from his shoulder. "I know." she whispered. A heavy silence lingered between them for a few moments, Ziva kept her eyes on the floor, until the wonderful sound of his voice filled her ears.

"How were you gunna do it?" he asked, causing her eyes to flicker to his. "Just waltz into the middle of a firefight."

She shook her head slowly. "I am not going to go out that easily." she said with a hint of a smile. "I will just be…less alert."

Tony's eyes were empty and tired but he managed to keep his tone light. "I'm not gunna let anything happen to you." he whispered.

Ziva moved closer to him. "No, Tony." she made sure his eyes did not leave hers. "I am asking, pleading, that you let me go." her eyes started to glisten. "I am not letting this win." she paused, blinking back some loose tears. She smiled tightly before continuing. "I know that you _always_ have my six. But…this time, I do not want you to."

His expression dropped, sadness stained every corner of his face. "I can't." he admitted hoarsely, feeling the lump in his throat growing.

Her eyes grew tighter as she tried to keep the tears from escaping her eyes. "Please?" she said, barely audible.

He looked at her emptily, shaking his head. His hand reached her to face, brushing her jawline as it made its way to her earlobe. Placing his fingers at the bottom of her ear, he held her cheek, softly and kindly. She moved her head inwards, the warmth of his hand comforting her.

He opened his mouth to speak, but their moment was interrupted by a steady knock at the door.

She looked at him, sadly and sweetly, before turning to get the door.

* * *

Dinner went well, extremely well actually. Everyone in their dysfunctional family was there; Ducky, Gibbs, Abby, and McGee. They talked, they laughed, they listened, they ate, they enjoyed.

Gibbs was the only one to really notice how Tony kept an eye on Ziva for most of the dinner. His gut told him something was going on; his heart told him to ignore it.

Dinner was over, for Ziva, it was over too soon.

She cleared the plates, with Tony's help. Making sure that everyone stayed sitting, even though McGee had insisted to almost no end that he would help. But finally, he stayed in his seat, defeated.

Ziva stood in the middle of the kitchen where no one could see her. Tony entered, carrying in the last of the plates. He noticed her deer-in-headlights expression as he emptied the food into the garbage.

He swallowed hard, the feeling in the pit of his stomach returning. Grabbing for her hand, he slipped his fingers through her, tightening his grip slightly, mentally telling her that he was there, that he would always be there.

She blinked out of her trance, looking to him. When she saw his expression, her face softened. She took another deep breath before coming back to the table.

Tony sat, turning his attention to Ziva as she stood, leaning her stomach over the chair. She looked around the table, everyone had traces of a smile on their face, probably from a story Ducky had just finished or a joke Abby had cracked.

She hated herself inside, she was about to rip the happiness from them. Every last drop would be gone. She wanted to run, just run. It didn't matter where. She would just keep running, as fast as she could.

Taking one last deep breath, she realized that without having said anything, she had all of their attention. She felt like she was taking advantage of them, her presence always caught their attention, and now she was using it against them.

She didn't smile, which tipped Gibbs off immediately, but he kept his stoic self. She noticed this and her throat became dryer, she could feel a sad lump starting to form.

"I need to tell you all something." she said quietly, as they all gave her their full attention.

She paused, for a few moments, looking to everyone, memorizing their faces as if they were strangers.

She swallowed, as her heart broke inside. This was hard, harder than anything she had ever done in her life. Harder than taking a life, because now, she was taking her family's life.

"I have terminal pancreatic cancer." the words once again felt dry as they exited her mouth.

She did not look at them when she finished, she looked at the table cloth, already sensing their sadness and shock.

Gibbs was as hard as ever. His eyes grew empty at her words, looking at her with concern and shock. He heard a gasp from Abby. Tim heard it too. It was a painful gasp, worse than the one she had when they found out Jenny died, much worse.

"Oh dear." Ducky whispered. His whole body tensing as her words sunk in and being a doctor, he knew how she would meet her demise, slowly and painfully.

Ziva let some tears fall as she heard Abby's breathing grow faster. "Terminal?" McGee said, his voice cracking, as he looked to Tony, who had no shock on his face, only sadness.

She covered her mouth to prevent any more murderous words from escaping and nodded slowly. Abby broke down, tears spilling out; she fell onto Gibbs shoulder sobbing into his shirt.

Ziva began to match Abby's sobs. She felt like a murderer. She loathed herself. And soon, it became more than too much to handle. "I am sorry. I cannot" she shook her head furiously as she turned and ran to her bedroom.

She couldn't handle it anymore.

Their sadness sent daggers into her heart.

Tony's emotions matched that of his on the bathroom. Gibbs watched Tony, and now he understood. Tony had known before all of them.

He tried, he wanted to be there for the team, to explain, but he couldn't. He burst out of his seat and sprinted to the bedroom.

He knocked on the door softly, until he noticed that it wasn't locked. Opening it all the way, he found Ziva sitting in her bed, sobbing softly into her hands. She didn't bother to look up, she knew he was there.

He sat next to her, putting an arm around her softly. She grabbed his shirt as she continued to let her tears fall. She shook her head, wanting so much to take her words back. But it was too late.

Tony thought about the sobbing Ziva, his teary self, and his broken teammates in the dining room.

Nothing was ever going to be the same.

* * *

**Sad, I know. **

**Unbetaed, I'll fix it in the a.m.**

**But please review.**

**I have a global final tomorrow and I could really use the reviews as some help:D**

**And plus, the more reviews, the faster Tiva comes, and I'll make a fluffy chapter or two. **


	3. Realization

**Wow. Lots of reviews, much love. I thank you all!**

**Next chapter time! Quicker than my usual updates.**

**

* * *

**

"_Here we stand,__somewhere in between this moment and the end__. __Will we bend?__Or will we open up and take this whole thing in?" Mockingbird, Rob Thomas_

_

* * *

_

Abby's breathing was hitched. McGee felt like the walls were closing in. Gibbs stoic self turned confused and concerned. Ducky felt a lump in his throat beginning to form.

Tim looked to Gibbs, but found no answer. He found nothing actually; a whole lot of nothing.

They didn't know how to react, what to say. They just sat at the table in heavy silence, staring at the table. Their minds were in a whole other world.

* * *

Tony comfortingly tightened his arm around Ziva as she continued to sob into his shirt. His throat felt dry and just the sight of her crying brought tears to his eyes.

"This is my fault." she said to herself in-between sobs. The images of her family breaking down at her words filled her mind, the words she said, the words that came out of her mind, the words that she thought of before she spoke them.

"No." he put his lips against her hairline. "None of this is your fault." he assured her.

"All of this is my fault." she spat, her words stung.

He shook his head, rubbing his hand up and down her back. "No, no its not." he held her shoulders, causing them to be face to face. His face fell at the glistening blotches of tears underneath her eyes. Brushing his fingers lightly over her cheeks, he continued to speak. "How could this be?"

She was silent. She let him wipe the tears away as she looked absently to the floor. His question was answered by the pure silence that lingered between them when no answer came to her.

She sniffled as his hands fell back to his side. But after another moment, she felt his hand securely over hers. "I just want my last days to be normal." she admitted after another moment.

He looked deeply into her chocolate browns, his throat felt tight and dry. He hated seeing the agony in her eyes. "We're gunna get through this." he assured her.

Time paused for a split second for her.

We.

Did he just say we?

As in two people? As in not one person.

As his words sunk into her cranium, he continued. "And then you're going to have the…normalist," he let out the smallest chuckle. "…last days ever." he finished. His vision was now impaired by the tears filling them and the lump on his throat had finally become unbearably large. He tried to swallow, but couldn't.

She smiled through her tears and let a chuckle slip when she caught sight of his forced smile. Smiling, right now, was their outlet. It prevented them from crying. So they smiled. They shouldn't. This was definitely not a time for smiling, but for both of them it was better than crying.

"So nothing like _Last Holiday_ crazy, right?" he chuckled through his sadness. She chuckled with him, shaking her head and furrowing her eyebrows. "What?" she managed to get out through her sniffles. "Movie." he smiled.

She covered her mouth to prevent the tears of joy and laughs of sadness from escaping.

"Thank you." she managed to get out.

He wrapped his fingers around her hand as they continued to witness each other's tears. He knew what she was thanking him for; she was thanking him for being Tony.

* * *

A few minutes past before Gibbs moved at all.

In one quick movement he pushed the chair away from the table and got up, bound for the bedroom.

"Gibbs." Abby whispered, but it fell upon deaf ears.

He got to the door just as Tony was closing it. When he turned around he was startled slightly by his boss' presence, but calm down immediately. All traces of tears had been cleaned away and he was looking as collective as one could be when you just found out your best friend was dying.

Gibbs gave him a questioning look. They never did have to talk to know what the other was thinking. After years of working with Gibbs, their minds had become, almost, perfectly in sync.

"Damn doctors didn't find it in time." he growled, his jaw tensing.

"Time?" he asked sadly but sternly. "Less than four months…" Gibbs rubbed a hand angrily across his mouth. "But boss," he said quickly, grabbing the silver fox's eyes. "She's not gunna do it." he said in disbelief, although Gibbs didn't know what he was talking about. "She's not even gunna let the inevitable win."

He furrowed his eyebrows, searching the senior field agent's eyes for an answer. "She's gunna get herself killed in the field." It hurt him to say those words, especially when talking about Ziva.

Gibbs immediately knew why. He didn't need to ask to know how hard this would be for all of them if she had to die of lung cancer. It would be slow and painful, for all of them.

"It's the coward's way to go." Tony mused to himself, looking at the floor. The tears he held back stung his eyes.

"No." Gibbs shook his head sternly. "It's the selfless way." he said hoarsely.

_Gibbs is right. This way is easier for everyone._ The voice agreed.

Tony looked at him tightly, his anger building up inside with every second that passed. He knew Gibbs was right. He knew that voice was right. But he didn't want them to be right. He wanted Ziva to live as long as she could; he wanted Ziva to live period.

He let the anger out in the form of his palm slamming against the wall.

_Oh, that one hurt._

Gibbs didn't flinch. He stayed calm as Tony paced the hallway angrily, rushing his hands through his hair and breathing heavily.

"She doesn't deserve this." he huffed.

"No one does." Gibbs agreed stoically, almost being cut off by Tony's immediate shout.

"_Ziva_, doesn't deserve this!" he yelled angrily, stopping in front of Gibbs. His breath raged as he stared down his boss, but stopped when his sense finally came back to him.

_Tony._ That damn voice, she was everywhere. _Shouting isn't going to do anything. _

Gibbs watched Tony calm down, his hand tightly over his mouth to prevent any further outbursts. "Get some sleep." he commanded.

Tony let out a sarcastically amused sound. "Yea." he chuckled sarcastically. "Easier said than done boss." he breathed, running a hand though his hair.

"Then stay." Gibbs said simply. His words caught Tony's eyes. He watched him for a second before nodding.

* * *

Ziva sat on the bed, trying so desperately to hold in her coughing. She heard their hoarse whispers. She almost flinched when he hit the wall. And the pain and hurt in their words sent daggers through her heart.

She began to sob, now, more than ever. She heard them leave. They all had left. She was almost relieved; she didn't think she could manage to see their broken faces again.

Getting up, she tiredly headed for the door, but before her hand reached the knob, it slowly turned. Tony emerged from the hallway, a drained look on his face.

"I sent them home." he stated, not taking his eyes off her.

She nodded, turning back around. Her eyes caught herself in the mirror. Her hair was still tightly pulled back. The bags underneath her eyes were still visible and her face was soaked with tears.

"I can stay if you want." he offered hopefully. She turned around to meet his sincere eyes. "If you wish." she answered.

As she headed towards the bureau she quickly remembered something. "The guest bed is not ready." she said a bit frazzled. She headed towards the closet to grab a few sheets, but was surprised to feel a soft hand on her shoulder.

"We can _pull a Paris_." he said charmingly when she turned around to meet his smile.

She let a smile tug at her lips, relieved that he was acting his own Dinozzo self. "Nothing happened in Paris." she whispered shyly, avoiding his stare.

"We _still_ playing that card?" he questioned slyly.

She opened her mouth slowly in shock. She had the sudden urge to smack his grin right off his face; but instead, retreated to closing her mouth tightly. She narrowed her eyes on him mischievously, silently agreeing.

She knew he was joking.

_He_ knew he was joking.

But the pure tease lightened the mood.

They both mentally agreed that they were too tired to change and both slipped under the covers, staring at the ceiling momentarily before facing each other, unlike in Paris.

They found themselves closer to each other than they thought they were, dangerously close. Their eyes finding solace in each other's.

She had before taken her hair out of it bun and now a few stray curls covered her olive skinned face. He hesitantly moved his arm along the covers until he reached her face. Her warmth breath against his hand was comforting as he tucked the curls behind her ears.

Their faces were drained of any emotion except curiosity as they still stared at each other, seemingly fascinated with one another. They memorized each other's faces as if they had just met for the first time.

Ziva put her hand delicately over his neck, bringing him closer to her until their foreheads rested against each other. He let her cheek rest on his hand and they stayed like that for a moment, perfectly still and peaceful.

And then, it happened.

Neither remembered who instigated it, who was the first one to move a millimeter closer. But in reality, they both moved in, at the same exact time. Like true, star-crossed lovers.

His nose met hers he contemplated staying there for the rest of the night, but her stare was irresistible, he fell in.

She kissed his top lip, feeling a tingling sensation as his bottom lip brushed the bottom of her own lips. Her hand pushed him in closer, but not much. It was a sweet kiss. She did not need it to go any further.

But temptation and pleasure filled her being and she wrapped her lips in his again, longing for their soft touch against hers. She had now unlocked the secret as to how Tony could get so many girls in so little nights. He made her feel loved.

He may have acted like a pig on the outside, but on the inside he was soft and gentle, ever so sweet. His scent was intoxicating, he was a true charmer.

She craved for his touch, his warm breath mixing with hers.

He let go after those four long seconds.

Staring into her eyes, he hadn't realized until now that somewhere during their kiss, their hands had become intertwined above the covers. His other hand was still nestled under her cheek and her hand continued to rest on his neck.

They continued their uneasy stares more moments than they could count. The other's stares kept them awake.

Then, perfectly in sync, Ziva's body turned as Tony's hand moved to support her neck. She melted her body against his. Her lavender scented curls brushed up against his face softly as she nestled the back of her head in the crook of his neck.

Their still intertwined hands were holding her stomach in place. And her steady breathing was the most comforting thing in the world right now.

He pulled the covers closer to them and let one, single tear fall as he noticed how perfect his fingers felt in between hers, how perfect her head fit in his neck.

That's when he realized it.

He was falling for Ziva David.

And he was falling fast.

* * *

**Unbeated, fix everything in the a.m.**

**Chapters are gunna get a hell of a lot sweeter from here. **

**Okay, not gunna lie, I'd really like as many reviews as possible, so please. I'm really writing up to my potential on this story. I'd appreciate a review. **

**Here's my review challenge, tell me your favorite line, or when you started crying and/or tearing. Or tell me if you're not crying. Whatever works! Or just leave a plain o' review! **


	4. Break

**Hey, quickish update. I know right? Well, I'm loving the response for this story. And I think I'm going to continue with this "leave your favorite line in the review" thing cause there are some lines that I loved writing that I didn't think you make it but, they did. I was really surprised actually at some of the lines people picked, like I knew the last few lines would be picked but there were a few that surprised me, in a good way:D**

**This is a sad chappy, so get out your tissues, I'm trying to make this the last sad chapter, for a while.**

**

* * *

**

"_Once you want it to begin,__no one really ever wins…__Watch my face__ a__s I pretend to feel no pain." –Heartbreak Warefare, John Mayer_

_

* * *

_

Morning came quickly, too quickly.

The sunshine peeked through the blinds, stinging Ziva's eyes. She opened her eyes quickly, blinking to adjust to the sudden change in light.

Her chest hurt a bit more than usual, but it was nothing unbearable. Then, she realized she wasn't alone.

It all rushed back to her quickly when he eyes fell to her stomach and saw Tony's warm hand wrapped tightly around hers. She felt his steady breathing against her back. His warm breath against her neck made her shiver absently.

She hadn't realized until now that her whole body was stiff. Looking at the clock, which read 5:02 a.m., she relaxed her whole body into his.

For the first time in a long time, she felt totally comfortable.

And it was starting to scare her.

* * *

He hadn't slept, at all.

His eyes were wide open the entire night. But he didn't care that his eyes stung from being not being closed. He had more to worry about than the fact that his whole face hurt from lack of sleep. And the last thing on his mind was his aching limbs.

He thought about their kiss. Their tender and sweet goodnight kiss. But it meant more to him. At that moment, at that perfect moment, he knew he loved her. More than just care for love. A lot more.

Tony glanced at the clock. 5:01 a.m. He felt her tense for a moment. Then, a second passed, she melted back into his arms, her grip around his hand getting slightly tighter, but more comforting.

She hadn't stirred a bit during the night. He would have noticed; their bodies were so close they were almost one. He did hear her whimper a little before she finally fell asleep. He had never heard anything like it. It was a sound of pure sadness.

He couldn't believe he was falling for her. He couldn't believe he was falling for her now. He couldn't believe he didn't realize sooner.

_You truly have the worst luck with relationships Anthony Dinozzo. _Oh, god what does she want? _Falling in love is hard; falling in love with a dying woman…I'd hate to be in your shoes right now._

_Would you go away?_ He thought harshly.

_No, you need to hear this Tony._

_Oh, really? Cause it's not making me feel any better. Actually, nothing you've said these past few days has been very comforting_.

She quickly changed the subject. _Its gunna be a heartbreak, either way you spin it. You've always known there was something between you too. Like I said when you first met, she intimidates you_. The voice smirked.

_I haven't always liked her. I'm falling for her because_…he trailed off.

But she smiled a victorious smile. _Because she's dying?_ She chuckled. _No, you __**realized**__ you like her because she's dying. _

She was right.

_Aren't I always?_ She teased.

_Don't you have other, angelic stuff to do? _

She laughed. _Don't worry Tony, I'm leaving. Your head is filled with clutter anyway. There are too many emotions in one thought._

_At a time like this…can you blame me? _He sighed.

He imagined her grinning. Oh god he was going crazy. But he didn't mind. For her, he wouldn't mind.

Soon, he felt her move. Ziva unwillingly unwrapped herself from his embrace and got off of the bed, immediately regretting it. She wanted so bad to curl right back up in his arms, but she couldn't. She had to face another of her limited days.

"It's early." he stated groggily. She opened up one of her dresser drawers and pulled out a fresh shirt.

"Yes, it is." she replied automatically, searching the bottom drawer for a pair of pants.

There was a small pause as Tony waited for an explanation. When he found he was getting none, he continued. "Why are you up?"

She passed the half opened window, pausing for a second to admire the sunrise over the metropolitan area. "I am going to work early." she answered, her eyes still lingering on the newly awaken sun.

He looked a bit confused. "Want me to drive you?" he asked, eyes adjusting to the sunlight that was starting to fill the room.

She took her eyes off of the sunrise and aimed them at him. "No, you should sleep."

"I got enough sleep last night." he offered, lying through his teeth.

She smirked as she opened the bathroom door. Without looking at him, she spoke again in a teasing manner. "I always know when you are lying Tony."

* * *

For 5:30 in the morning, the office was pretty well lit. She made her way slowly to her desk, staring into the middle of the empty bullpen the entire time. There was no sign of life anywhere actually.

She stretched her hand out in the back of her desk, letting her backpack linger above the ground before she slowly let go, it dropped to the ground with a thump.

Her throat felt dry as she thought of a regular day in the bullpen, before her diagnosis, before telling everyone, before the now; when everything was normal. What she would give to go back to just a few weeks ago.

She could feel the lump in her throat start to swell as she blinked back tears. Balancing herself on the front of her desk, she kept looking around; making sure no one was there. But she was totally and completely alone. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she slowly started to slide down the side of her desk, her lip quivering with every inch.

She couldn't hold it in. There was too much she would miss. She finally hit the floor, she came crashing down. And by now she could no longer swallow.

The tears stung and she hated herself for letting them start to slip, but she couldn't hold on any longer. They ran aimlessly down her cheeks, formed pools underneath her eyes, and slipped off her chin, splashing onto her shirt.

Slowly, she brought her knees to her chest, clutching them with such might. She longed for an embrace, anyone's embrace. _Anyone_.

She just needed someone's hands around her, to comfort her. Hatred for herself ran through her veins. She looked so weak, she felt so weak. Hugging her knees tighter, she tried to cover her mouth with them to prevent her sobs from being heard. But the tears, the tears she could not stop.

* * *

And, unknowing to her, she was being watched. Abby had gotten to her lab in the wee hours of the morning. And like she usually did for entertainment, had set up the security camera to spy on the janitor (having caught the last one stealing things from McGee's desk, of course she had brought him to justice and thought maybe she'd have another shot at being the hero). She especially needed it now. She needed anything to get her mind off of Ziva for a while, just to calm down and accept things, although it wasn't working much.

She was surprised to see Ziva enter the bullpen a half hour than usual. Her vision became blurry with tears as she saw Ziva start to breakdown. And when she hit the floor, Abby couldn't bear it. She stayed there for a moment watching her best friend cry. Cry. Ziva never cried. Ever. And now the former assassin was hysterical, completely hysterical.

Abby watched as she hugged her knees and her throat became dry. She covered her mouth with her hand trying to keep semi-calm, but she failed. Shaking her head, she burst out of her lab. She reached the elevator and pressed the button until her finger hurt. When she got in the metal container she paced back and forth, going nowhere but letting her anger out in each step.

She slammed the lever down, letting out a scream as the lights flickered off and the elevator stopped. Abby pounded her fist against the wall. And then she stopped, and cried. Just cried.

* * *

Ziva cried until it hurt, she cried until she thought she could cry no more. And yet, even then, she continued to cry.

Her face was buried into her knees and she resisted the urge to just collapse. She felt physically weak; having no clue how much simply crying took out of one person.

And then, she realized she wasn't alone.

She felt another presence and lifted her head up as soon as she did, only to meet a raccoon-eyed Abby standing near McGee's desk. Two matching streaks of eyeliner marked her face underneath blurs of more eyeliner. She looked at Ziva with a sad expression, to put it in the simplest terms.

Ziva tried to force a smile, but her tears prevented that from happening. She slowly got up. Abby still stood there, fresh tears flowing out of her eyes.

When Ziva was fully up, Abby ran. She hardly processed the blur of black as it shot towards her, wrapping her arms around her neck and holding onto her for dear life. And before she knew it, she had her arms wrapped tightly around Abby's waist.

This wasn't like the hug Abby had given her when she returned home from Somalia, no. Then, Abby was scared, scared that Ziva might break at more then a simple touch. But this embrace was tighter, much tighter. She held onto Ziva for dear life, as if the only thing keeping her on this earth was her arms.

They stayed there like that for many long minutes. Minutes that seems to pass by like years. They cried into each other's ears and shoulders until their eyes were completely dry. And even when they were, they still continued to cry tearlessly.

"I love you, Abby, so much." Ziva cried, close to her ear.

Abby let out a sob. "I love you too Ziva." she smiled through her tears.

Ziva shook her head, letting out a sad smile, one that was not seen but felt. "You are truly the best friend I have ever had." she shed more tears than she thought she had left.

"Ziva…" Abby's trailed off in her sorrow.

And then, they let go.

Looking into each other's weary eyes, they began to attempt to laugh off their sadness. They laughed at how ridiculous they looked. Their makeup was a mess, they were a mess.

Abby, hands still lingering near Ziva's shoulders, gave her a blue smile. "I'm really gunna miss you." she quivered.

Ziva shook her head understandingly. They breathed another laugh through their tears.

"Wh-when you..." she pursued her lips inward and tried to continue. "When you get to heaven," she let out a sob. But tried to catch herself with a smile. "Wil-will you tell Kate I miss her?" she asked innocently through her distress.

Ziva chuckled somberly and nodded, her eyes started to swell again. She reached her hand out and wiped Abby's cheeks of eyeliner as the goth laughed. "We should get cleaned up." her voice cracked. Abby let out another sad chuckle as she nodded. Turning to the mirror, they began to wipe the sadness, makeup, and truth from their faces.

* * *

Half an hour had passed since Ziva got in. They came back into the bullpen, arm-in-arm.

Ziva gave Abby one last smile before she let her go and sat down at her desk. She was surprised to see Tony sitting across from her, watching her intensely. She shot him a questioning look and he quickly ripped his eyes off her.

She turned to her left to see Gibbs watching her. She looked at him sincerely and, well, normally. "Good morning." she greeted softly.

He nodded in her direction. "Morning." he mumbled, taking a long sip of coffee.

McGee arrived soon, laying down a white paper bag on each of his teammate's desks. Although he lingered over Ziva desk for a second more than usual. Ziva smiled at the bag. "What is this?" she asked almost cheerfully as she opened the bag.

"Bagels." Tony answered for her as he took out his. He turned to McGee "Thanks." he shot, taking a bite.

McGee furrowed his eyebrows, he was being unusually nice. This always happened when someone died. Everything changed, and then out of nowhere, with no notice, it went back to normal.

The three men watched Ziva throughout the day. It was a slow day, open and shut case; which made Ziva more aware of their eyes constantly on them.

Then, she snapped.

The clock read 3:23 p.m.

"Will you stop?" she burst out of her chair. "All of you!" she sent daggers to every desk.

They all looked at her with mixes of concern and confusion.

"_All_ day, the only thing you have been doing is watching me! I have not had _one_ normal conversation with _any_ of you. And every time I cough it is like you have heard an _explosion_!" she shouted at them. "Can you please, _please_ try to be as normal as possible?" she pleaded angrily. "That is all I want. Can you do just that for me?"

They looked at each other, then at her. Ziva hands were on the table holding her up as she slowed her breathing but continued to look at them sternly. After another moment, they nodded.

"Thank you." she breathed sitting down.

_Normal_. That's what she wanted.

_Normal_. But was that what she was going to get?

* * *

**Like?**

**Don't like?**

**Ok, so you know the drill. Review!**

**Favorite line, when did you break down?**

**Love you all to death!...poor choice of words...**


	5. Deservance

**Nice, 50 reviews for 4 chapters. I like this crowd. Loving the favorite lines too. I love getting unpredictable ones *cough cough **_**autumnftw**_** cough cough*.**

**Okays, so next chappy time! Yay! I think it's gunna be a short one. I really don't know, cause I haven't written it yet :P**

**

* * *

**

"_When you're at the end of the road __and you lost all sense of control__. __And your thoughts have taken their toll__. __When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul…Nothing's ever built to last__…__Lay down your arms, give up the fight." -21 Guns, Green Day_

_

* * *

_

Ziva pulled her hair back as she stepped out of the elevator. It hung on the back of her head loosely and lazily as the doors to the morgue hissed open.

Ducky was just closing the freezer door as she stepped in. Ziva pushed the haunting images out of her mind as she walked towards him. He turned around, startled at first but soon relaxed into a smile. He was still in his scrubs as she walked towards the sink.

"Ziva, dear, it is late. You should get some sleep." he said caringly as he turned off the water and untied his smock.

She forced a smile, walking closer to him. "Actually, if you do not mind," she paused, swallowing. "Can I ask you…a few things?" her voice cracked slightly.

He looked at her; she could see the specks of worry that lay on his expression. He nodded, taking of his smock and turning on the lamp on his desk. Ziva took a seat as the Englishman went to the refrigerator and grabbed some scotch.

A smile lit her face as he poured her a drink, before pouring himself some. She took a small sip before seeing that he was settled and ready to listen.

"So," he took a slow sip. "What is on your mind?"

Ziva inhaled deeply, not really knowing where to begin. "I knew that there were many emotions that would come with me telling you all." she began slowly.

She watched him as he nodded sadly, his mouth closing tightly. "But there is one…that I did not expect." she continued. He looked at her curiously.

Her eyes wandered to her drink as she swiveled it in her hand slowly. "I think I am in love." she admitted gently.

His eyes grew wide at her confession, he opened his mouth, but no words came out. "W-well…" he tried, but couldn't. He was a little shocked actually.

Her eyes glistened with new forming tears, but she had grown strong enough to not let them fall. "But…I do not want to. I cannot." she mused in disbelief. "It is not fair, to either of us." she said sadly, slowly.

Ducky listened to her intently, he knew she was going somewhere, but he needed to get more out of her, without being too intrusive. "I…" her throat filled with sadness as she tried to speak without breaking her words. "Do not know what to do." she shook her head as her eyes pleaded the ME for help. "One side of me wants to love him, but the other does not."

He pursed his lips as he searched his mind for an answer. Finally, he looked up at her with his wise eyes. "You need to ask yourself," he began as her glistening eyes flickered to him. "Is the pain worth the price?"

She kept her eyes on him for a moment before the drifted to the table, her mouth opening slightly in thought. His input really made her think. The only thing right now she had been thinking was enjoying the time she had left. But this whole mess, if she could even call it that, with Tony had turned her in a whole different direction.

_Was it?_

"I-I…I." she stuttered, her eyes seemed to search her drink for an answer. "I do not know." she whispered, bringing her eyes back to his.

"You must decide whether it is easier to have something and lose it, or to never have had it at all." he said quietly. He watched her eyes as the tears were replaced with thought.

"Neither way is easy." she realized disappointedly. He nodded in agreement.

"The thing is," she paused. "We both know it is there."

"Ah, the elephant in the room." he sighed.

She furrowed her eyebrows, obviously confused. He immediately realized her confusion. "You both know it is there, but you are ignoring it."

Her eyes saddened and she nodded, slowly and solemnly.

"He kissed me." she blurted, tightening her lips in regret as soon as she did so. "And I kissed him back." she continued unknowingly, in disbelief.

His face dropped, he couldn't imagine what she was going through. "I do not want to hurt him." she said sadly.

"Or yourself." he took the words right out of her head.

Her eyes welled up with tears. "Is that selfish?" she asked through the lump in her throat.

He shook his head solemnly. "No." he assured. "You are trying to prevent more hurt. That is a self_less_ act."

"What would you do?" she asked through a few stray tears.

He looked at her hardly, then sadly softened a bit. He opened his mouth to speak, shaking his head when he could not come up with a valid answer. "I cannot answer that for you Ziva." her face dropped.

He was right though, this was all on her.

* * *

Gibbs gently maneuvered the sander steadily across the beams of his unfinished boat. He sensed his senior field agent's presence before the Italian shoes hit the first step.

He noticed that there was something less about him as he wandered over to the two boards that he was using as a makeshift bar. He poured them both some bourbon as he watched Tony sit down on one of his sawdust covered benches.

Gibbs waited in silence for a moment and after a long sip from his mug, went back to his boat, his ears ready for anything.

"She's dying boss." he stated absently after a moment.

Gibbs hated his tone. It was a mix of disbelief, sadness, coldness, apathy, so much in so little words.

He didn't say anything, but let Tony do the talking; it's what he was best at.

"_Ziva_ is dying." he emphasized her name.

He looked down at the mug filled with bourbon that he was holding lazily with his hands laying on his legs. He took a deep breath, taking in the strong scent of sawdust.

Another heavy silence lingered in the room for a moment before something came out of Tony's mouth before he could process his thoughts. "I slept with her last night." he said in disbelief.

Gibbs shot him a strange look and Tony looked up at him, immediately realizing what he had just said. "Not that way." he rolled his eyes at his own mistake. "Just…next to her."

"This isn't happening." he put his head in his hands, shaking it in disbelief. He had fallen too far, too fast.

_Stop doing this to yourself Dinozzo_. He hadn't heard the voice in a while, he figured it was just about time for her to come and comfortably bother him some more.

Gibbs continued to sand his boat, but he lingered on every word out of Tony's mouth. "It's stupid isn't it? Foolish. I shouldn't have realized this now, _now_!" he scolded himself. He picked his head up, letting out another breath.

"She's _dying_." he repeated.

"We're all dying." Gibbs said coldly.

_Amen to that_, she smiled. _But he's right. Just at different times, I should know_, she said lightly.

Tony let out a sarcastic, pathetic chuckle. "Yea, thanks for that." he shook his head, falling into a trance.

How could he have fallen this deep? How could he have slipped this hard?

He rubbed his hand gruffly across his mouth. He had to deny it. There was too much pain involved. Well there's a contradiction if he ever saw one, sadness in love. It was pathetic. He knew it, the voice knew it. Something was there all along, and the Grim Reaper was amplifying those feelings.

"Stop fighting." Gibbs commanded, appearing to be obsessed over a small crack in the wood.

_Thank you. _She breathed in relief.

Tony looked at Gibbs, well the back of Gibbs. "I'm not fighting anything." he lied, confusion filling his voice.

He heard her scoff. _You do realize you're surrounded by people who can tell when you're lying. Well, maybe not McGee. But still..._

Gibbs turned around, walking towards Tony until he was looking down at him. "She deserves to hear it." he said stoically.

"She deserves a lot of things." Tony said through his cracked voice. "Death isn't one of them." he looked away, shaking his head.

"No one deserves death." he replied. Tony's eyes wandered to his momentarily, then left. He bit his inner lip as Gibbs walked back to his boat.

"Go." And with that, and another swing of bourbon, Tony bounded up the stairs and left.

Gibbs nodded contently and stepped back, admiring the boat. He knew naming this one was going to be painful.

* * *

Tony got to Ziva's in a matter of minutes. He knocked on the door a few times before watching the handle slowly open. She smiled slightly when she saw his face. She motioned her head for him to come in.

Her eyes were slightly red and she seemed drained. She didn't look like a dying woman, but then again, _he_ didn't look like a dying man.

"Ziva…" he whispered, coming closer to her. And she let him.

He pushed a loose hair behind her ear. He couldn't fight it, not anymore. She deserved more, much more.

Soon, their bodies were touching. She looked up at him unsurely, but calmly. And slowly, she wrapped a hand around the side of his neck. He cupped her cheek with one hand, brushing his thumb against her skin softly.

_Now, Tony I know she deserves this, but don't sink too deep_, the voice warned, but he pushed her out of his mind.

They gradually moved closer towards each other until their lips touched. He kissed her gently, as if he was afraid she'd break. She moved her body into his as the intimate kiss continued. Her free hand met her other as she wrapped them around his neck, hanging them lazily above his back. He wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her closer.

She pulled back, slowly but suddenly, her face stricken with remorse. "Tony…" she leaned her forehead against his nose as he brushed his lips to her head, temptation overcoming him. She spoke slowly and quietly. "If we do this, now…the pain will be much worse." Sadness filled every word of her sentence.

He placed a finger under her chin, lifting it up slowly until he met her eyes. "You're worth it." he whispered bringing his lips back to hers.

* * *

**Unbetated, I'll fix it in the a.m.**

**Short, I know. But you guys deserved something. **

**Now I hate to be a hag, but I love reviews. So please, favorite line and such. **

**Next Chapter sometime this week.**


	6. McComfort

**Okay. I am sincerely sorry for the delay. My computer decided to get a virus on me, and so went my entire life. So now, here I am. In my grandpa's house after a beautiful week in New York City, where in fact, I didn't even need my computer so there internet virus, I win.**

**Small change; changed Ziva's cancer from lung to pancreatic. Just cause I can.**

**READ:I added a part, small part. The voice is getting more and more important. And you'll see that especially in the next chapter. Now scroll down and check out the part I added. An additional review is not necessary but greatly appreciated. And for any of you that knew who the voice was all along and this just confirmed your suspicions, feel free to rant about it in a review. **

**

* * *

**_"It's the elephant in the room and we pretend that we don't see it. It's the avalanche that looms above our heads. And we don't believe it." -The Truth, Kris Allen_

* * *

Right now, and as always, writing was the only thing keeping him sane.

McGee sat at desk, his fingers tapping wildly at his typewriter. He had typed straight through the hour and was far from stopping. Random emotions embedded themselves in the full sentences of his thoughts.

It hadn't fully hit him yet, Ziva dying and only having a few weeks left. And he didn't know why. They had only been told the previous night but everyone one the team was starting to show signs of sadness and apathy, especially Abby, who's tears hadn't left her eyes all day.

Gibbs' usually stoic demeanor had been replaced with that of a softer leader and surely McGee wasn't the only one who had noticed how the silver fox kept his eye on Ziva like a hawk on a prey all day.

Tony was definitely quieter. And he knew he had spent almost every minute with Ziva. He even remembered Tony staying at her apartment after the announcement and figured that he was either there in Gibbs' basement at this time of night. It also occurred to him that he hadn't been called anything except McGee and Tim in the last few hours and even under the circumstances, he longed for a new nickname.

The longer he thought of that, the more he realized that Ziva was definitely right. Normal would be good.

He typed until his fingers started to become sore, and even then he continued. He typed until his vision became blurry and the words made no sense, until he was tired of sitting and his foot began to tingle soon and his throat begged for liquid, but he kept writing, putting his pain into nouns, adjectives, verbs, and phrases.

His writing roll was interrupted by a soft knock on the door, so soft it was almost lost among the light drizzle of rain outside. With a disappointed sigh he got up and wandered to the door, glancing at the clock, 2:56 a.m.

McGee quickly glanced down at his attire, flannel plaid pajama pants and an old MIT shirt that clung loosely to his middle, a proud reminder of his rapid weight loss. But the glance was quick, figuring anyone that came to his apartment at three in the morning wasn't there to recruit him to model for Vogue.

A tired and drained looking Abby was revealed when he opened the door. He could tell she hadn't stopped crying since she left. McGee knew this was going to hit Abby hard. Although he didn't want to admit it, it would be worse than Kate and Jenny's death, for they knew Ziva longer than both fallen agents.

He gave her a truly sincere, sympathetic look as she sniffled a few times. Her limp hair hung lazily on her head instead of its usual pigtails and her eyeliner was smudged all around her empty eyes. But Tim thought she actually looked beautiful.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, his eyes full of question and concern.

She sniffled a few times as her eyes wandered across the floor, catching his bare feet and staying there for a moment before she looked back up at him. "I…I just really need a hug." she admitted, her voice cracking.

The slightest hint of a smile crossed McGee's lips as he opened his arms. At the slightest movement of his forelimbs, Abby practically fell into his embrace, tightening her grip around him with every passing second and she continued to sob into his shirt.

The wind was starting to blow the rain into McGee's apartment and he let out an absent shiver as the cold wind hit his face. Abby placed her feet on top of his as McGee struggled slightly backwards, closing the door with his and Abby's feet.

They stayed in each other embrace for a while, Abby's head nuzzled in the crook of McGee's neck while his hands wandered comfortably around her back. He let her cry for as long as she needed, that's was she loved about him, he knew what she wanted, what she needed.

They soon found their way to the couch, where McGee placed a pillow on his lap for Abby's head. She soon found herself at a struggle to keep her eyes open when he began to absently twirl her hair, a flirty little show of affection he had found both made her sleepy and calmed her down.

And that was all she needed right now, at a time like this, comfort.

* * *

Ziva slowly pulled her lips from Tony's, but his hand was still intertwined in her curls, the other clutching her waist to his. She buried her head in his chest, shaking it slowly as he rested his head on top of hers.

Slowly, she lifted her head up to meet his eyes. He found them full of sadness and sparkled with regret. He nodded solemnly before taking a seat on her couch, pulling her down with him.

Tony leaned back, resting his head on the arm of the chair. He silently thanked the couch for being big enough to fit both him and the Israeli beauty comfortingly. She fit her head on his shoulder, fixing it to fit in the crook of his neck.

He laid his arm across her waist lazily as she shifted some more to get in a fully comfortable position. His nose was buried in her hair, the enchanting smell of lavender filled his nostrils as she wrapped her hand around his neck, gently rubbing his jaw line with her thumb.

"You do know why you are doing this don't you?" she said quietly, confidently.

_He does? _the voice laughed. _I thought it was just to get in your pants._ She teased, but immediately felt the regret brought on my his scowl. _Tony_, she immediately apologized, _I'm kidding, I know how you feel about her. I know everything, _she sounded mockingly powerful.

He decided to forgive her, this time.

"Of course." he answered hoarsely, his voice tired.

She nodded into his chest. Tiredness was getting the best of her and she wasn't looking to prowl him for anymore answers tonight. "Good." she said quietly. "As long as you know."

Letting out a yawn, she left him thinking, wondering why she didn't want an expansion. But in truth, she didn't need to hear it, she knew it, he knew it. Words were complicated, words brought them to where they were now, acting on impulses and doing things neither of them would ever be doing. Everything was changing,

And it was just the beginning.

* * *

_What are you doing? _

Tony opened his eyes. He was in a pure white room. _This has to be a dream._

Kate appeared from no where. Dressed solely in white, she walked slowly towards him.

_Yep, definitely a dream. _

_What are you doing? _she asked again, more harshly this time.

He looked at her, confusion taking over his expression.

_Exactly! You don't know what you're doing._ she pushed her pointer finger hard at his chest. _Tell her_. She commanded.

His expression hardened as he turned away from her. _I don't know what you're talking about. _

_Anthony Dinozzo, you are a lot of things but a moron is not one of them. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Tell her. _she commanded sternly.

_You know you feel it, just tell her. _

He still didn't turn around but his anger was growing deeper with each word. He swallowed hard before she spoke again.

_Three words, three. I know you Tony, you have said a lot more than three words in less time. _

_It's not that easy._

_Yes it is. You feel it, she feels it. Just tell her._

_No._

_So you're telling me that you have no problem kissing her and sleeping with her-_

_Next to her, I never slept with her._

_You were about to! If she hadn't stopped you I'm sure you would have had no problem going all the way. _

Neither of them spoke for a long time. She looked at him sternly, breathing hard until he turned around, his face soft.

_I care about her._

_You feel more than that. _

Another long pause filled the void between the two old partners.

_You do realize her days are numbered, don't you? She doesn't have much time. Just tell her and be happy for the rest of the time you have left. _

_A few hours ago you told me not to sink too deep!_

_And you didn't listen! Now you have sunk to deep and you cant resurface anymore. So now, you just have to keep sinking, accept it. _

_Its not that easy. I say it and she says and then what? Then there's more heartbreak. _

_Tony, whether you say it or not, there's going to be heartbreak. You either tell her and you two can be happy, or you say nothing and you never know what could have been. Isn't it better that she leaves knowing how you feel about her?_

He shook his head slowly, this wasn't happening.

She furrowed her eyebrows in thought. _Your not in the denial stage, but your not in the accept-it-and-take-action stage either. _She pondered.

_What?_ he asked, having no clue what she was rambling about.

_You know she is dying but you won't do anything different about it._

_Why should this change anything?_

_Because dying changes everything! People, emotions, sanity! Everything! Look at you! Your partner is sleeping on top of you after almost actually sleeping with you after kissing her, you haven't made a decent movie reference in two days, and your talking to your dead partner! You're changing. _

_That's why I don't want to say anything. I don't want anything to change. _

_Nobody does, but it happens Tony, shit happens, life happens! Death happens! And you have to man up and accept it. _

_Stop._

_No! Tell her. Tell her you love her. Three words. Then, you two can be happy for the rest of the time you have left._

_You can't take words back._

_So that's it. Its your commitment phobia again. Words are permanent. Once you've said them, that's it. You can't take them back. _

Her realization prompted another long pause.

_So what? Why would you take them back? You're not having doubts are you. _

He didn't answer.

_You are in the denial stage._

_And you're not helping._

_I'm not here to help Tony. I'm here to make sure you don't do anything stupid. And if you don't tell her, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. _

_She can't be dying._

_She is Tony. I'm sorry, but…she is. Now tell her. _

And with that last command, she left. And Tony was alone, in the white room. But in an instant, the room transformed into Ziva's living room.

He saw himself, and Ziva, seeping on the couch. They were wrapped around in each other's arms. It was there, love was there. But neither of them could say it.

If they said it, they would know it. They would know they only had a few months, maybe even weeks left. Ignoring was the best for their sanity.

But ignoring it was the worst for themselves.

* * *

_(The Next Day)_

Thankfully to Ziva, the morning had gone as normal as possible.

Although waking up in Tony's arms was not in the norm, it was starting to become a regular thing between the two. After declining an offer for a ride from him, she took the long way to work, admiring every street, monument, and street vendor on her way. The bullpen was quieter than usual, but it had only been two days since the announcement and she had already been prepared for this type of grace period before more of a somewhat normal day. Thankfully, Tony had put in a few cracks to keep McGee on edge and the banter had lasted a few minutes before Gibbs strolled swiftly into the bullpen.

The crime scene was photographed and cleaned up quickly. A bullet passing in a out of a Petty Officer, found dead in the middle of Rock Creek Park. His wallet and watch were gone and there were signs of a quick struggle, a simple mugging. Abby would pull DNA from under the Petty Officer's fingernails, Gibbs would break the coward of a suspect in minutes, maybe seconds, and they'd have the case closed by dinner.

And now, Ziva was relaxing into the leather seat of the navy blue Dodge Charger, the smell of coffee still freshly playing on her nostrils as McGee drove the vehicle moderately fast.

His fingers gripped the wheel and his eyes occasionally darted to Ziva, but left as soon as her eyes met his. "McGee…" she started after his fifth stare in the last several minutes.

"Sorry." he mumbled sincerely. "It's just…going to take some time."

Ziva nodded solemnly. "I understand. I am not quite used to it either." she let out a small sigh. "I rarely feel sick."

"For what its worth, you don't look sick." he attempted comfortingly.

"Thank you." she said quietly. "You are a true friend McGee." she said after another moment.

He let out a chuckle, a small one, embedded in a breath. She could tell he was growing slightly embarrassed, but she felt he needed to hear it. "Before I came here, to America," she paused, catching her thoughts. "You outgrew friends. In Mossad, there were partners, lovers, and family. Blood family that is. Those were the people you were close with." she continued to ramble, but McGee didn't mind, actually her voice was soft and enchanting. "When I became part of this team, I felt part of something bigger than I have ever felt. I have realized that family is much more than blood."

There was a lingering silence in the car as McGee felt a smile coming on.

"And you, Tim, have accepted me from the beginning. When everyone else was still lingering on my brother, you, you." she almost amazed. "Always had my back, you were always there." she smiled. "I just wanted to thank you for that, truly." her throat began to feel tight with sadness.

"You've been a great friend too." he said, taking his eyes off the road momentarily to meet her kind eyes. It _still _didn't hit him. He just kept thinking that there was no way that she was slowing and gradually dying.

The silence grew heavier around them and the mood of the Charger was grim. Then, from somewhere deep inside him, he asked it. "You scared?"

Ziva took in a deep breath, letting it out just before she spoke. "I have accepted death more times than I would like to count. But this time…this time the feeling is real."

"I think I am more scared of what I am leaving behind than the actual death part." she blinked back a few light tears. "I just hope that I have made enough of an impact on the people I have met." she admitted quietly, her voice starting to crack.

It was starting to creep onto Tim, like a lighting storm slowly and steadily approaching him from the horizon. "Believe me Ziva. " he paused, and found his throat tighter than usual. "I don't think I will ever forget you."

The storm had arrived, it hit him.

Ziva, his teammate, his friend, was dying. She would be gone in a few weeks, gone forever.

He let one strong, stubborn tear leave his eye. But he kept his voice steady. "I don't think I can _ever_ forget you."

* * *

**So?**

**Favorite line/Part and such would be greatly appreciated. **

**Love you all…I don't know why I just said that. Why am I so happy? Whoa…that was very, not me like. **


	7. Voice

**Delayment. I know. Computer still has a damn virus and I've been doing volunteer work at my new school to meet people and you really don't care to much put I thought I'd give you a little but important chapter.**

**Kay, well, here it is.**

* * *

"_I remember when I lost my mind. There was something so pleasant about that place. Even your emotions have an echo in so much space." -Crazy, Gnarls Barkley. _

* * *

_(Earlier That Same Morning)_

Tony woke up early, much earlier than needed.

He felt Ziva on top of him, still sleeping peacefully. Her curls cascaded from her part, surrounding her jaw and rested peacefully on his chest. His legs were entangled in hers while her arms wrapped lightly around his neck.

Tony felt a smile crawl along his lips as he watched her continue to slumber peacefully. His "conversation" with Kate cleared his mind, but not much. Right now, the only thing on his mind was trying not to move to much and not wake the sleeping former assassin on him.

_Tell her._

Right on time.

_She's sleeping _he thought.

_Whisper it in her ear, be all romantic. _

_You watched way to many chick flicks when you were alive. _

_Come on. _

_Time's not right. _

_When will it be? She doesn't have a lot of it._

_Yea, I think you mentioned that a few dozen times. _

_Well it's the truth._

_Can you leave me alone? _

_I'm giving you one hour._

_Oh, are you? _

_Yes._

_Then what? _He humored her.

_You're not going to like it._

He let out a sarcastic chuckle. But there was no answer; she was gone, for now.

Ziva stirred slightly, letting out a small breath. Tony tensed, subconsciously holding his breath as he watched her slowly open her eyes.

Her chocolate browns were now visible to him as she woke, staring at him sweetly. "Morning." he whispered, his warm breath lighting bouncing off her skin.

"Good morning." she smiled. He could feel the uneasiness lingering in her voice.

"Is this gunna become a regular thing?" he joked as he tightened his arms around her waist.

"I hope so." she replied in a whisper, another smile crossed her lips.

_And…now!_

She let her eyes drift to the wall where her clock hung. "We are going to be late." she said, rolling off of him and the couch.

Tony furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the clock. There was no way time had passed that fast.

He followed her towards the bedroom, but was met with the door closing before he could enter. "I will be right out." she sang. He dropped his head, traces of smile lingered on his lips.

She was right, the water was off almost as soon as it came on. As the blow dryer could be heard distantly he searched her kitchen for something to eat, coming across a bottle of air freshener before he reached the fridge. He pinched the front of his shirt, bringing it up to his nostrils, a mixture of Ziva, couch, and body odor filled his nostrils. He picked up the bottle of air freshener, figured Hawaiian breeze was better than smelling like lavender, leather, and sweat, (although he wouldn't have minded much if it was just the Ziva scent he was getting) and quickly sprayed his pits and as much body as he could cover with the stuff.

She came out of the bedroom to find him with half a doughnut in his mouth. She laughed at the sight as he smiled through the powder that covered most of his mouth.

Walking towards the door, she grabbed her coat and keys. "You need a ride?" he asked as he swallowed the last bite.

She turned and looked at him sweetly. "No thank you." she said simply yet solemnly.

* * *

_(Bullpen)_

Ziva and McGee had gone out and with Gibbs checking on Abby, Tony was left alone in the bullpen, pulling up the petty officers bank records.

_Your hours up._

_Go away._

_Too late._

He immediately felt as if he wasn't alone anymore. And regretted looking up from his keyboard as soon as he did so.

There she was, in all her angelic glory.

Kate stood in front of his desk, wearing only a long white dress and an amused smirk on her face.

_No._

_I told you you wouldn't like it. _

"No. Kate, no. I cant deal with this."

_You need to tell her._

"Why am I all of a sudden your first priority?"

She smiled at him sarcastically. _I felt that you needed my help. _

"Well I don't."

_You suck at relationships. And when it matters most, you still suck. You just need a little push in the right direction._

"Showing up at work as an apparition is not a 'little push in the right direction'. Its more like an annoying shove off a tall cliff."

He felt another pair of eyes on him. Looking to his left he saw Special Agent Sanchez giving him a strange look.

He shot her an innocent smile as he grabbed the phone off its base and brought it up to his ear. She shook her head a bit confused and went on her way. "People are going to think I'm strange talking to myself."

_People already think you're a little strange._

Just then a thought popped into his head and he jumped off his chair and towards McGee's desk. Rustling through the drawers he found Kate sitting comfortably on McGee's desk, watching him intently. He grabbed the Bluetooth he was looking for and stuck it on his ear. She let out a small chuckle. _I'm dead and you still cease to amaze me._

"You really need to go away."

_I told you. When I fell like you don't need me anymore, I'll leave. _

"And I told you, the time's not right."

_Then when is the right time? She could be gone tomorrow._

"She has fourth months." he growled.

_And I was supposed to live for another 50 years at least._

"You're not helping with anything. All you're doing is nagging me until I tell her."

_Which is exactly what you need. _

"That's it, I'm getting rid of you." he said, getting up and heading towards the elevator.

_Oh, _she suppressed a laugh, _are you now? _

He pressed the down button on the elevator as hard as he could. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he tried to calm down. But she was still behind him, hovering annoying close. _Where are you going?_

"You're the ghost, shouldn't you know." he hissed as the elevator doors opened and closed on Kate. But as he suspected she appeared right next to him as soon as the elevator started.

_I'm a spirit, not a psychic. Don't you miss me? _She asked innocently.

"Yea, but I don't miss you constantly hovering over me."

_Oh come on, am I that bad?_

"Yes!"

The doors opened and Tony rushed into autopsy, searching the morgue frantically for Ducky.

"Duck!" he practically shouted as the M.E came out from the hallway.

Tony is this necessary? Do you really want Ducky to think you're crazy? Cause he'll tell Gibbs and then we'll all-

"Duck you need to help me." the frantic in his voice startled Ducky.

"Are you feeling alright Anthony?" he asked worryingly.

"I'm hearing voices." he blurted out as he paced in front of a table, running his hands over his face and through his hair.

_Yea, cause he doesn't have any reason to send you off to the nut house now._

"Voices?" he asked with concern as he stood by the sink, watching Tony pacing.

"One voice." he cleared. "You think I'm schizophrenic Duck?"

"No, goodness no, schizophrenia would have developed at a much younger age." he crossed his arms in thought. "One voice?" he asked.

"One."

He nodded. "And do you recognize the voice?"

Tony stopped dead in his tracks and looked up at Ducky. "Yea." he answered quietly. "Kate."

The Scotsman's face softened. "And now I'm seeing her and she wont leave me alone and…Duck, am I going crazy?" he asked hastily.

"Probably not." Tony let out an exasperated chuckle. "Probably." he muttered.

"Is she telling you…anything specific?"

He stopped again, his face getting more serious. "Yea."

Ducky waited a moment. "Care to share?"

Tony's eyes darted from the floor to Ducky, then back to the floor. He bit his lip nervously. "No." he shook his head as he thought.

Ducky face was stained with concern. "I would suggestion doing what she asked and maybe she will leave."

"Yea." he continued to bit his inner lip. Then, out of nowhere, he burst out the sliding door and into the elevator. "Thanks Duck!" he called back.

_I could have told you to do that. Oh, wait, I did!_

"Thank you for what?" Ducky asked himself confused as the doors hissed closed.

* * *

_(Later that night)_

Tony knocked hastily at Ziva's door, his heart racing a mile a minute and his feet practically jumping out of his shoes. He had managed to subtly avoid her for most of the day, but now, now the fire inside him was burning fast.

Ziva opened the door and before she could process who it was she felt lips entangled with hers. She gave into the kiss, she could tell by the soft hands holding her cheeks that it was Tony.

He et go abruptly, his emeralds melting into her chocolates. "Tony what are yo-"

"I love you."

* * *

**Sorry, I'm in a rush. But I think this is a good way to end it. **

**Favorite line and such thanks so much!**


	8. Bliss

**Hey loves. 99 reviews! But seriously, I couldn't just get one more review? I'm gunna forgive you and give you this really, **_**really**_** Tiva packed chapter, so, you're welcome. **

**Oh, little side note, it starts from like Ziva's POVish. Not in first person, but the end of last chapter was a bit rushed so…just read, it'll all come to you.**

****

**

* * *

**

"_Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight. Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself, will it ever get better than tonight?" __-Glitter In The Air, P!nk_

_

* * *

_

Ziva sat on her couch, feet curled underneath her and book in hand. Her hair was still damp from the shower she had just taken but not wet enough to wet the shoulders of her XL Navy t-shirt she was wearing, a present from Gibbs last Christmas, _her_ last Christmas.

She brushed the thought of holiday seasons out of her head as she grabbed the handle of the mug sitting on the small wooden table next to her. But before the warm hot chocolate could reach her lips she heard a soft but hasty knock at the door.

With a low sigh she got up and started towards the door, her bare feet tip toeing against the smooth hardwood floor. She opened the door slowly and before she could see who was knocking, her lips were latched onto someone else's.

She knew it was Tony. She had kissed him to many time these past few days to not know what he tasted like. The kiss was short, but not short of passion. He let go abruptly, his hands still entangled in her hair and his breathing heavy.

"Tony, what are yo-"

"I love you." he blurted out, his eyes still latched onto hers.

Her eyes searched his face for something that wasn't there. With her arms hanging loosely around his neck, her thumb slowly rubbed the back of his neck as she thought.

She let out an absent and thoughtful sound that resembled a chuckle. "And I'm sorry I never told you." he sounded sad, truly sad.

Her face loosened from its tight expression and the slightest hint of a smile crossed her face.

Seconds had passed but Tony's eyes did not leave Ziva's. "Ziva, if you don't love me, I understand. I just…needed you to know." Ziva was more surprised at the amount of words he was saying than what they were. He was opening up.

"No, Tony." she paused, locking her eyes back on his. "I do…I love you."

And she was coming in.

She said the words slowly, enjoying every letter of the phrase she had said so little times but had felt so many.

He breathed a laugh. "You do?"

She resisted a chuckled. "Yes." He knew how hard that was for her to say, to feel, this way. She had let herself love so many times, and so many times love and trust had been thrown right back in her face.

"I'm not going to let you be alone." he stated, his throat felt dry.

The tips of her lips began to curl upwards. "I love you." she repeated. The words felt new and fresh against her tongue. Like biting into a newly opened chocolate bar.

He let a small chuckle slip from his lips before they met hers, softly. But she returned the kiss with more passion and his lips soon became hungry for more.

Tony found himself being pulled into the apartment and Ziva soon found herself up against the wall.

She broke apart, but only for a moment just to whisper, "Ti voglio." And for some reason, it was more intimate in his native language.

She could feel the smile on his lips as they met hers once again. And soon he found all his buttons unattached from the opposite side of his shirt. He slowly grazed his fingers up the side of her stomach, taking her shirt with him before pulling it off her head as he kissed her neck and jaw line softly.

In a silent and mutual agreement, Ziva found her feet lifting from the floor as Tony picked her up gently and moved them both to her bedroom.

* * *

The love they made that night was gentle and sweet. They savored every moment together as if it was their last. The walls were thick and the neighbors would not complain of the soft moans, names, and Italian and Hebrew phrases that never penetrated the sheetrock of her apartment.

After the moment of ecstasy they collapsed back onto the bed, breathing hard and heavy, their fingers romantically intertwined as they faced the ceiling. Ziva curled into Tony's chest, his arms wrapping around her waist as he pulled her closer.

She tucked her head into his neck and kissed his chin softly as he absently traced the infinity sign on the back of her shoulder blade. They were as close as they could be right now, Ziva almost completely on top of Tony and his arms wrapped securely around her.

And neither of them had felt anymore in love than they were right now.

As their breathing became more steady and soft, Ziva lifted her head to meet his eyes. He tucked some loose strands behind her ear and she stared into his eyes for another moment before letting a chuckle slip from her lips.

"You were right." she smiled, running a hand through his hair.

"Was I?" he returned the bright smile.

"My life does have more meaning to it."

* * *

_**Ti voglio: I want you**_

**Short. I know. Actually the short chapter here. **

**If you don't get the last line, watch Boxed In, then about halfway through it, you can go "Ooooooh! Okay, I get it now! Ha! That's funny!" Or just go on Wikiquote and find Boxed In and read the first quote for that episode. Whatever floats your special little boat. But all you hardcore Tiva lovers should have seen this already. **

**Anyways, I got a twitter. griffydor and onyoursixbooss_, go add me, like now.**

**Favorite line and such would be pretty damn amazing.**


	9. Pretend

**Okay, loves, so computer is still being raped by the geeks at Best Buy. And these plot bunnies just keep invading my brain garden. **

**

* * *

**"_Maybe if my heart stops beating it won't hurt this much…Because I'll never let this go. But I can't find the words to tell you. I don't want to be alone…One day you'll get sick of saying that everything's alright. And by then I'm sure I'll be pretending. Just like I am tonight." -Never Let This Go, Paramore_

* * *

Tony lay motionlessly in bed, almost afraid to move, to wake the sleeping assassin on top of him.

Their legs had become entangled with each others just moments before Ziva drifted off to sleep. Her head was still nestled safely in his neck and most of her upper body was on his.

He wanted to fall asleep, he was tired. Ziva was definitely a work out, no doubt in that. But it was worth it, she was worth it. He just couldn't close his eyes. If he was home, he'd probably wander off to the living room and pop in a movie or go through his TiVo list. But he wanted to watch her wake up.

That split second when she would just wake up, right before she could process where she was or who she was with, was heaven for Tony. The hint of a smile her lips subconsciously gave off and the way her eyes lightly fluttered open would be the cherry on top of the cake of this perfect night.

His eyes drifted over to the digital clock at her bedside table which read 3:02. He thanked whatever cruel higher being that they had the day off.

He tightened his grip slightly on her warm, bare body. Gently caressing her cheek, he felt tears starting to form in his eyes. He was falling in love with a dying woman. It was a relationship that would never last. Like a one night stand that meant so much more.

He let a tear fall, she would never know, she would never see it.

Now that he had her, he never wanted to let her go.

* * *

_4:27 A.M_

She took a deep breath, stirring a little. Tony tensed slightly, ready for anything. He watched her chest rise and fall, every breath she took was a sigh of relief on his part. She was alive for another moment. He was with her for another moment.

It was almost silent when she felt herself waking up. But she felt the steady beating of something. A heart. His heart. The heart she was giving her last amount of love to.

Tony's heart.

She propped her head up, meeting his eyes.

"Hello." she said sweetly.

"Hey." he responded hoarsely, covering up the dry feeling in his throat. Her smile made him so happy, he wanted to cry.

She placed a chaste kiss to his lips. And let her eyes smile for her.

She let her head fall back onto his chest and intertwined her fingers with his. "Perfect." she whispered to herself, it felt natural to her.

"Tired?" he asked, the slightest chuckle in his voice.

"A bite."

"Bit." he corrected.

She suppressed a smile, but with her head buried in her chest, he could see it. But he knew it was there. "You did that on purpose." he realized.

"Perhaps."

She turned her head around and lifted herself up to meet his eyes once again. A smile touched her lips but, unfortunately for him, didn't escalate to a full on smile like he had hoped. "Can you smile…for me?" he asked, pleaded.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Please?" She gave him a smile, along with a slight blush of embarrassment. It was the world to him. He could have the strength now, to pretend that everything was okay, at least for today.

Tomorrow would be another day, he would need another smile, another breath, another flash of life from her. But that was tomorrow. And today was today.

And that smile, that one beautiful, majestic smile, was his strength for the day.

He brought his thumb up to her mouth, brushing it lightly against her soft lips. He slid his finger along her lip until he reached the corner of her lip, and down to caress her chin. "You are so beautiful." he said absently, as he admired her.

Her eyes flickered downwards. She gently grabbed his wrist, taking his hand off of her face momentarily before bringing it back to her lips, kissing his knuckles softly.

He smiled into her eyes and brought her face to his until their noses touched. And when they did, he pulled her just the slightest closer until he could feel the smile against his own lips.

He could pretend to be happy right now.

He could pretend that everything was perfect. And that everything would be alright.

But he couldn't pretend that he loved her. And he wasn't, this was real.

The love was real.

The happiness, a little forced.

* * *

_5:12 A.M_

Her lips were still wrapped in his. But now, she was laying on her back, with most of Tony on top of her. They had been kissing for almost an hour now, not escalating to anything. Just enjoying each other.

She pushed slightly and pressed him down onto the bed, having herself on top now. He rubbed his hands up and down her side, memorizing every curve to her body. And her hands ran through his hair.

Love filled the room and for her, everything was right.

Then, they stopped. A silent, mutual agreement.

Ziva looked into his eyes, her eyes dancing with happiness. But she saw something else in Tony's.

Sadness.

"What is wrong?" she asked, concern hitting every word.

"Nothing." he lied.

She kissed his chin. "Everything is going to be fine."

He let out a sarcastic chuckle, weak and cheerless. "No, no its not, Ziva. Stop." he paused, taking a breath. "Its not alright."

She search his eyes for the slightest glint of happiness, but came up empty handed.

His face dropped, regretting what he had just said. He wanted to tell her how much he wanted her, and how scarred he was to love her. Heartbreak and misery filled his mind every time he shared a moment with Ziva. This would all be gone, taken-no _snatched_- from him and be gone forever.

_Stop lingering on the future Tony. She's here now, enjoy now. _

Her eyes were still on his, still searching.

"It won't be." her face dropped. "But for now," her eyes glimmered with hope. "Everything is perfect."

His old girlfriends would smile and continue their make out session. But Ziva knew better, she was not obvious to his pain.

She lay her head on his chest and let out a deep breath.

"Talk." she commanded simply. "You talk, I will listen."

"Fine." he twirled a loose curl with his finger. "But then you talk, and I listen."

She nodded against his chest in agreement, rubbing and ankle up his leg flirtatiously. "I want to know everything."

"Ditto."

* * *

**I really, really, really, hope I can update this soon. Next chapters gunna be deep.**

**Review! Favorite line and such.**

**Think we can make it to 125? That's not asking too much is it?**

**If we can, that's be amazing, if not, you win some, you lose some I guess.**


	10. Fear

**Hey, sorry for the uber delay. I was in Lake Naomi last week and then I just got lazy. And tumblr's been slowly eating away at my so called "life". **

**Oh! And I asked for 125 and I got 133! So I love you all, oh so very much. And I thank you all, oh so very much!**

* * *

"_Are you afraid you'll lose yourself? Are you afraid of your own health?... Are you afraid to live? Are you afraid to die?... To live, when you think you're dying. To laugh, when you feel like crying. To stand, when you think you're gunna fall…Do you think that you might crash? Do you think you're in too deep?... Are you scared of the end? Are you scared to begin?" –Fear, Stop Making Friends _

* * *

"We have all day." Ziva pointed out.

The room had been quite. She had been expecting Tony to speak, but no words came out of his mouth. He was silent, perfectly silent.

"Yea, we do." It was more of an observation. There was a pause, a short one.

"Isn't there…any way?" She let out a small sigh at his words. "Chemo, radiation, _anything_?" he sounded desperate, he _was _desperate.

She was still. Tony expected her to move, to dig her head deeper in his neck, or rub her ankle down his calf again, but she did not. "Pancreatic cancer is incurable. I am taking all the pain meds I can. And believe me, I talked with my oncologist. It is too fast…chemo would give me another month, maybe-"

"A month is a long time!" he protested. Her own silence silenced him.

"A month I would spend in pain. I would not be able to walk, use the bathroom on my own." she paused, her voice changed, it was dryer. "I would be pathetic."

He pulled her up and she was now completely on top of him. She was lighter than he expected, a lot lighter. Her eyes were empty; she did not look straight into his. He kissed her forehead but her eyes were still dead. "You are not pathetic." He pushed her curls behind her ears. "And you never will be. You're a ninja for crying out loud."

She breathed a laugh. She didn't want to laugh, but she had to. "I wish I could stay longer." her throat felt tight and dry, she hated this feeling. "I really do." The tears she held back stung her eyes.

"How did this happen?" he asked her, himself, and the world.

"Fast growing, too fast." Still, she did not look into his eyes. "And then there is the tumor they found on my lung a few weeks ago." His eyes widened.

The coughing, that explained the coughing. "Those coughing fits?"

She nodded sadly. "I hate those."

"Me too." He agreed.

He watched the tears fill her eyes. And he never knew how contagious tears could be until this moment. But hers did not fall, and neither did his.

"Are you scared?" he asked sheepishly.

Her eyes met his.

And the falling tears answered for him.

She cried, and cried, and cried. She broke down, placing her head gently on his shoulder, staining his bare neck with streams of tears. And he cried with her. He ran his fingers through her hair as he felt her whole body tighten and quiver against his.

The tears lightened. And soon, they were gone. She had no more tears to cry. Her eyes were dry and hurt. But she did not speak, yet.

The pause, that long pause, spent in complete silence, was one of the most painful things he had ever endured. If she was not on top of him, with her chest against his, he would have fearfully checked her breathing.

"I have been at the face of death too many times to be scared." Her voice was low and her eyes were soaked. "I am scared of leaving you, all of you." He brushed his thumb against her cheek, wiping a tear away. She shook her head. "But it is inevitable."

He eyed her closely. "I thought you said nothing was inevitable?" he asked lightly.

"Death is the only exception. Of course, _when_ you die is not inevitable."

Another pause.

"She died alone." But who died alone? Kate, Jenny, Paula, Lee?

Ziva's teeth pressed together, she nodded slowly. "But you don't have to." He offered.

She locked her eyes in his.

"Marry me?"

Her jaw dropped, her eyebrows furrowed, her face was stained with shock.

He asked it in such a spontaneous manner, so charming and confident, it almost scared her. He was serious.

"Marriage? Tony, I am _dying_." She rationalized.

"Didn't you ever want to settle down?" he asked, gently pushing her off him and setting her down next to him. He forced his body upwards with his forearm as a support and loomed over her as they spoke.

"Not particularly." She corrected. "I remember it being _you_ that was looking to settle down with 'Ms. Right'."

"And I've found her." He smiled.

"No. No Tony you have not." His smiled began to fade. "You found me. And I am not your Ms. Right." There was a pause. "If I was, I wouldn't be dying."

"I don't care if you're not my Ms. Right…I want to be with you, through and through. Every day until your last."

She eyed him slyly. "Do you hear how unbelievably sappy that sounds?" she chuckled. "You didn't get that from a movie did you?" she asked with an amused look.

"No." he joined her fit of laughter. "But it does sound like it something out of a cheesy Nicholas Sparks book doesn't it?"

They're laughter continued, for no reason except pure joy. And then soon, it died down. "I'm serious Ziva. Ha'im tinas'i li?"

She was taken aback by the use of her native language. It was much more intimate and romantic to her, not to mention sexy.

"Tony…I-" she lost herself in her own words.

"It doesn't need to be a big ceremony or anything." He sounded like a used car salesman trying to seal a deal. "We can go down to the court house, just make it official in front of a judge."

_Not a bad idea Dinozzo. Being married to you, but not a long commitment. Actually, it's probably good for both of you. I might even have taken that deal. Given the circumstances of course. But I'm not sure if I would last that long. Maybe if I was given a weekend to live…_

"Married?" She asked as if to confirm his previous question.

"Married." He said simply.

"You would not be asking me this if i was not dying."

"Dying changes everything."

She watched him, but his expression did not change. It was peaceful yet excited, and somewhere, deep in his eyes, _scared._

And she could not believe it.

Here she lay, in her bed, with her partner Anthony Dinozzo, naked and their bodies entangled with each others. She was a dying woman, and he was asking for her hand in marriage.

And you know what she said?

"Yes."

* * *

**Translation: Hebrew for "Will you marry me?"**

**Okay, short. Yes, but I think that was a good chapter. Next chapter will be up as soon as I can, I promise. **

**Favorite line and such would be great:D**


	11. Quickly

**Okay, so I'm back…was that too long? If so, sorry. I've been like surprisingly busy the last…how many day days has it been? And I know I didn't reply to any of the reviews cause my email was being a biznatch and not letting me check my emails. But I read them online and they were all so great and insightful. As for Betherzz don't worry, I know I didn't say those three magic words, don't worry! It wasn't supposed to be said right then and there.**

* * *

"_Everyone knows she's on your mind, everyone knows I'm in over my head…" –Over My Head (Cable Car), The Fray_

* * *

"Yes?" He looked at her, shock staining his face and surprise filling his voice.

"Yes." She assured him in a whisper, hardly able to catch her breath that was attached to her tears.

He watched her, shaking his head in shock and smiling in complete happiness. "I love you." He whispered, pulling her lips to his and kissing her softly.

"And that is why you want to be with me, yes?" she questioned, lightly sniffling back tears. It was soon, too soon. But everything in her life was flying by. She was trying to be self-less, he wanted this. Maybe she did too, but not this soon. But when you're dying, it is all just _too soon_.

"That…and so much more." He admitted.

"And being married to a dying woman…"

"We're all dying." He forced a smile.

"You know what I mean." She looked at him hard.

He was quiet for a second.

_Wow, you asked her to marry you and now, not even a minute later, you're having regrets...I knew I should have left you along for so-_

"I know." He gave her a genuine smile. "I _want_ to marry you. I love you."

And for the first time in her life, she was overwhelmed with happiness.

* * *

(Later In Autopsy)

"We're not gunna let her do that though." Abby looked around at the others for assurance. When she got nothing but unsure stares from Ducky, McGee, and Tony looked at them, her eyes filled with lost hope. "Right?"

Tony's jaw clenched, he had told them her _plan_; trying his hardest to put it in the simplest and most vague terms.

"Abigail…" Ducky began. "Bullets and firearms are the only thing Ziva knows. Growing up, I am sure she has subconsciously embedded into her mind that her death would be from a bullet. In a way, she is still in denial."

Ziva was the only thing they talked about, they thought about. It affected them more than they ever could imagine, and it was slowly eating them up.

"So? She'll get out of it soon! You're the psychologist! Denial is only the first stage; she'll get over it and then what?" Abby was steaming with fury.

Silence. Again.

"We all should just…spend the little time we have left with her, well, _with her_." Ducky explained.

McGee nodded understandingly. Abby whimpered, she was on the verge of tears.

"This isn't fair."

"Abs, we understand this is hard-"

"Really, Tim? Do you?" she looked at him coldly.

"What? You don't think I'm upset?" he shot back at her, eyebrows furrowing together in anger.

"You don't seem too upset!" her voice shot out like a knife. Her hands flew all over the place and she closed in on him.

"I don't-…I can't believe you!" he yelled back. But she wasn't scared.

"Hey!" Tony shouted over both of them, causing their fighting to come to an immediate halt, but their icy cold stares continued. "Stop it, both of you!"

"This is insane." He mumbled under his breath, and for a split second, he was mad at Ziva.

And then, the feeling went away, and guilt replaced it.

He paced the length of autopsy once, twice. And stopped to find the former lovers sending daggers to each other with their eyes.

"If we're gunna get through this, we can't break Rule 15. Got it?" he looked to both of them, but their hard eyes didn't leave each others.

No answer.

"Got it?" he barked

"Got it." They said in unison, both voices a scary monotone tone.

"So what do we do?" Tim asked slowly, turning from Abby and leaning on one of the tables.

"The best we can. Nothing less than what she deserves."

"She deserves a lot better than this." Abby muttered to herself.

Ducky, who was now sitting in his desk chair, eyes on the floor in thought, immediately looked to Tony, eyes glistening with realization. "Ziva came to me the other day and informed me of something, while we were discussing this ordeal."

The three looked to him, waiting for more.

"And?" Tony asked impatiently.

"Well, she came to me in confidence, I do not think I am entitled to-"

"Ducky…right now, no secrets."

The ME watched him for a moment, and nodded. "She told me she was falling in love."

And the silence once again took over.

"In love?" McGee question, more to himself, after a few seconds.  
"With who?" Abby continued the question.

"She didn't say." Ducky replied innocently. "Do you know of anyone she may have been seeing?" he asked to the three.

"No." Tony answered immediately.

"That was fast." Abby turned her head to meet him.

Tony swallowed. "She's not seeing anyone." He said assuringly, confidently.

"No secrets." McGee reminded him.

The senior field agents eyes roamed across the room, meeting everyone's briefly. "You want the truth?" he questioned, eyes saddened.

"Yes." Abby's voice cracked.

"And no A Few Good Men references." McGee said quickly, having a feeling this was a set up.

He took a breath, and then another one.

"We're getting married."

The silence had returned for another visit, this time, staying longer than planned.

Abby's eyes were wide and she didn't know whether to hug him or slap him.

_Married_. McGee mouthed the word in disbelief, and slight frustration at Tony's word, and unseen actions.

And Ducky, Ducky hadn't a clue what to say.

"You asked her to marry you?" McGee finally spoke. His words were unsteady and shook.

"I did." Tony said, not even believing it himself.

"And she said yes?" Abby finished.

He nodded.

_She said yes._

"Anthony you do realize-" Ducky questioned, but was interrupted.

"Everything. I know." He spoke slowly. "I love her." _And I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner._ "And it's the least she deserves."

_A little vain aren't we?_ She chuckled.

"She doesn't deserve to be alone."_ To die alone._

Abby stepped closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "This is stupid; completely selfless and sort of heroic, but really stupid." She sighed. "But I'm glad you're doing this."

And so is he.

* * *

**Review? Please. **

**Its past two in the morning, and I really don't know why I'm writing this but I am, it's just a middle chapter, things are gunna start picking up methinks.**

**Oh! And McAbby shipper, do not fret, I promise, its supposed to go this way, I have a plan, I promise.**

**Favorite line(s) would be my love.**


	12. Infinity

**You may think it's a bit too soon, but I said that they wanted to make it official ASAP so…**

* * *

"_Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring." –Half of My Heart, John Mayer_

* * *

(Two Days Later)

This was not happening.

There was no way Ziva David was sitting in the lobby of City Hall, next to Tony, hand in hand, waiting.

Waiting for the rest of her life.

She leaned her head gently on her fiancé-of-two-days' shoulder. Her hair was straightened to perfection by Abby. And the pure white suit from her citizenship award ceremony was pressed and fitting slightly loosely against her body because of the weight loss. Their paperwork had been filled out and now it was just a matter of waiting.

McGee and Abby, as their witnesses, sat in the chairs across from them. Their tensions were still high, but they decided to be civil for them.

Ziva kept her eye on huge mahogany front doors. Keeping her breathing steady, her heart was filled with false hope.

_His basement seemed quieter tonight, darker too._

_Her hand squeezed the banister tightly as she reached the bottom. The boat was close to finished and she could see his disgruntled face as he sat behind the boat, twisting the chisel in his hand slowly. _

"_No name?" she asked quietly, a hint of a smile present on her lips._

_He didn't turn to her and she saw that he was deep in thought. She looked down at her hand that gripped the banister, down at the finger with the small infinity sign draw below the knuckle. It hadn't been more than a week since she told the team and she was getting married, tomorrow afternoon._

_She stepped off the last step, slowly wandering over to the boat, her shoes making their distinct tapping sound against the hard floor. He turned and faced her. She gave him a soft smile._

"_You good?" he asked, turning back to the stern of the boat. _

"_Yes." She nodded. "The pain meds are helping." There was a silence._

"_Tony and I…"_

"_I know." He finished. _

_But she was not surprised, more relieved._

"_You're happy." He stated. It wasn't a question. Not one bit._

"_Under the circumstances…yes." She let a small smile slip from her lips. "But, um…there is more." She began, taking a deep breath. He did not move, but she knew she has his attention. "We…Tony and I…we…"_

_He faced her, raising his eyebrows and giving her a 'please continue' look._

"_We are getting married." She breathed a mixture of relief and fright, at what he might say, what he might do, or not do._

_The silence quickly filled the room once again, thickening the tension in the room between father and daughter._

_Her stomach felt light, she was not used to this feeling. Ladybugs in her stomach…or were they dragonflies? But it was not a gut feeling. It was not the feeling she got before something terrible happened. It was not the feeling she had acquired from her many years under Gibbs. It was _not_ the feeling she got when Tony asked her to marry him. And once again, it was _not_ the feeling she had now._

"_Is this what you want?" he asked slowly._

_She slipped a genuine smile. "It actually is."_

_He smiled, and it was an amazing smile; A proud, fatherly smile._

_She sat down on the small bench, agitation took over her demeanor. "Tomorrow," he looked up at her. "We are getting married tomorrow." He furrowed his eyebrows. "It is soon, but…" she trailed off in her own words. "It will be small, not even a wedding. Just a small ceremony in Town Hall." She explained quickly, he could tell she was a bit nervous._

_He nodded. "You know I don't support this one-hundred percent." And she understood. _

_She loved Tony, so much, but she was not one hundred percent either._

And now she kept watch of the door, her heart stopping every time it opened, and crushed every time Gibbs did not come in.

Tony felt his soon-to-be-wife's hand gripping him hard as she watched the door. "You know what to do?" he asked softly into her ear, trying to distract her.

Her eyes did not leave the door as she spoke. "Walk down the aisle, get to you, say our vows, kiss, and enjoy the rest of my life as a married couple." She stated simply.

"Ziva," his voice was kind, and soft. "If you don't wanna do this…"

"No." she took herself of her trance and faced him. Her eyes were kind. "I do, I am sorry. I just got distracted." She wanted to kiss him, but she hated PDA. Fortunately, she didn't have to go kiss-less. Tony placed his lips gently to hers. "You look beautiful today." He smiled.

She felt a presence next to her and the scent of old spice filled her nostrils. Slowly, she turned around, the smile already on her face.

And there he was.

"Gibbs." She whispered. Her smile couldn't be matched.

"Always Ziver." He kissed her forehead.

She held a tear back, though it was hard. But Tony's comforting hand around hers gave her enough strength.

..

He put his arm out, wearing a suit, tie, and proud smile. "Ready?"

She nodded, taking a deep breath. "I think so."

"Ready?" he repeated.

Her smile was small and warm. "Yes." She said with more confidence than a runway model would ever dream of having.

Looping her arm in his, she faced the closed doors, once she opened them, there was no turning back. He watched her for a moment as she took a few deep breaths. She did not even know why she was so nervous, but she felt this mixture of feelings she had never experience. And for some reason, she loved this feeling.

Then, she unlooped her arm from his and turned to face him. Her eyes were glistening with tears she would not let fall.

And she hugged him.

Tight and warm. He hugged back, of course he did, giving her just enough strength to speak. "Toda, Abba." She whispered in his ear.

"Bat." He whispered back, kissing her ear after he spoke.

And this time, no amount of strength could stop the tears.

..

There was no music as they walked down the aisle. No flower girls, or bridesmaid, no huge crowds of people she had only met once or twice. Her father was not at the front of the room, with the proud smile on his face she had only imagined, never seen.

But what she did see was Abby, McGee, and Ducky sitting in the few rows of Town Hall. And she could feel Gibbs' arm holding her close as they walked down the small aisle.

At the end of the aisle, in front of the judge's stand, there he was.

Tony.

And seeing him, in his simple yet ever so charming black suit and skinny tie, made everything feel right.

She was not missing anything, but gaining everything.

Gibbs handed her off with a small kiss on the cheek before joining the three others in the pews.

She took Tony's hand and his smile made her heart flutter. She forgot about everything; time, people, cancer, life, death, everything. It was just her and Tony now.

"Does someone have the rings?" the judge asked.

"Oh, no we-" Ziva started to explain. She had told Tony she did not need a ring and not to spend any money on one.

"Yea, we do." Tony interrupted softy. She gave him a confused look. He reached in his suit pocket and pulled out a cigar label.

"Is that a-?" she chuckled.

"Yep, Infinity Cigars, finest in America." _America, her home._

She smiled as he slipped the wrapper around her ring finger, the infinity sign not yet faded. The label itself was yellow, with green, red, blue, and orange ribbons decorating the shield in the middle. Below the word 'Infinity' written in black cursive letters, was a sideways eight, the infinity sign.

Infinity.

Always and Forever.

_I, Anthony Dinozzo, _

_Take you, Ziva David,_

_To be none other than yourself._

_I promise to stand by your side; _

_To encourage you, and be open and honest with you;_

_To laugh with you, and cry with you;_

_To always love and honor you;_

_Both freed and bound by our love,_

_For as long as we both shall live._

_And forever after, _he added.

..

_I, Ziva David, _

_Take you, Anthony Dinozzo,_

_To be none other than yourself._

_I promise to stand by your side; _

_To encourage you, and be open and honest with you;_

_To laugh with you, and cry with you;_

_To always love and honor you;_

_Both freed and bound by our love,_

_For as long as we both shall live._

Ziva promised herself she would never cry on her wedding, but when Tony began reading the vows, followed by her she couldn't hold the gentle tears from crawling down her cheek. Tony would hold her hand tighter when she felt like she was going to burst and she would send a smile her way when she saw his face tighten and emerald eyes glaze over.

"By the power vested in me by the state of Maryland, I know pronounce you husband and wife."

Heaven had never seen brighter smiles.

"You may kiss the bride."

And kiss her he did.

With his hands gently cupping her face he wrapped his lips in hers as her hands felt their way around his neck. He put a hand to her back and dipped her down slowly.

It was an incredible kiss, it felt like no other. It was perfect.

The whole thing was perfect.

And as she walked down the aisle, smiling like she never smiled before, hand-in-hand with her new groom, it all felt _right_.

And by now, she was one hundred percent sure, Tony was her _one_.

* * *

**Translations: Both in Hebrew: Ziva: Thank you, Father;; Gibbs: Daughter.**

**Reviews would be amazing, favorite line(s) and such would be amazing-er. **

**I'm going to Hershey, but I'll be back on Tuesday hopefully to update Motherhood. I'm looking for an update on this one no later than Fridayish. **

**So please review:D if I can get to the hotel room and see a buttload of reviews, I'd be the happiest review whore ever:D**


	13. Heart

**So much stuff to do, so little time:P So it's just a short little snipet that actually wasn't even going to be here, but I heard this line and was like, well goshdarnit I need to put it in here. And plus, I needed a place to put the McAbby makeup so I decided to stick it in here, cause next chapter is going to be a buttload of deep Tivaness that needs to be left alone.**

* * *

"_Well my heart knows me better than I know myself so I'm gunna let it do all the talking." –Black Horse and the Cherry Tree, KT Tunstall_

* * *

_(Late Afternoon)_

"Pick up, for McGee." Tim told the man over the counter.

Pizza was his comfort food. After his few years as a federal agent, he had learned that pizza after a hard case was the best thing in the world. And although they hadn't had too many hard cases, he was having a hard life.

"A whole pie? What happened to that diet of yours?" He heard a quiet but friendly voice behind him.

He turned around to find Abby, still in her black dress from the wedding, standing behind him, an uneasy yet somewhat comforting smile on her lips.

"Don't feel like cooking." He gave her a soft smile.

She forced a small smile. "Yea, me neither." There was a small awkward silence. Abby looked to the ground, biting her inner lip. "Want some company?" she asked meekly.

"I don't know." He confessed. "Are we still fighting?" he twisted his mouth to the side as her eyes met his.

"Only if _you_ want to."

He gave her a genuine smile. "You know I don't like fighting with you." He said with true kindness in his voice.

"I'm sorry." She crooked her head sideways, while her voice had a slight pep to it that he couldn't describe.

"Me too." he replied with a happy smile.

"Make up hug?" she asked, causing him to let loose and unexpected laugh. He nodded and embraced her in his arms. She was soft, comforting, she was Abby.

She let go and her smile was wide and open, causing a chuckle to slip out. "Come on." She slapped a twenty on the counter "I'm buying." and picked up the box that had just been placed there for him. Giving McGee a quick kiss on the cheek, she looped her arm through his and happily walked out the door.

…

Their first car ride as a married couple.

A married couple.

The words seemed so fresh and new to the tongue.

Ziva sat on the passenger's side, despite how happy she was, she wasn't feeling her best. She looked out the window, watching the world pass her by at 65 miles an hour.

Then, a comforting, warm feeling surrounded her hand, she looked down to see Tony's palm around hers, holding it tight. She looked up at him and shared a warm smile.

"You okay?" he asked gently, his thumb brushing against her hand.

"Fine, just a little weak." She admitted, resting her head on the rolled up sweatshirt he had given to her as a pillow.

There was silence for a while; a light, comforting silence.

"I love you, Mrs. Dinozzo." He couldn't help but smile.

She chuckled. The name sounded strange to her, but she loved it anyway. "I love you too."

A moment or so passed before she said anything else, but there was something on her mind, or rather her heart. "I need to confess something."

"Anything."

She took a breath, and she felt strangely comfortable. "I have never been in love with you." And a frown found its way to his face. "But I did trust you, with my life." He nodded, eyes firmly on the road and hand still holding onto hers. "And soon, I have come to realize, you can love someone, without being _in love_ with them."

"And for a while, that is what I did." She turned her head towards him, watching him watch the road. "But when I found out about my cancer…" she took a breath, a realization. "Something changed in me." She looked at him with soft eyes. "And as I sat across from you, knowing I was dying, I saw something that I have never seen in you before." She sounded confused, as if she was speaking her thoughts and they had yet to be processed fully. "I still do not know what it was, but…" she breathed a laugh. "I started falling for you."

She could not believe these words were coming out of her mouth right now. "When we kissed, that night, on my bed…I knew you were the one. You were my," she laughed in through her surprise. "Soul mate."

He smiled. A bright, inerasable smile. "And you're-"

"No, Tony." And for some reason she smiled too, but it was a sad smile. "I am not. If I were, I would not be dying."

"Does It matter?" he asked solemnly, obviously trying to present a valid argument with such a simple statement.

"The only reason we are together is because I am dying." And you could hear the sadness that strung together that sentence.

"Ziva, no. We realized because you're dying." He bit his lip, staring hard at the road.

"Death is still the enabler. If I was not dying, we would never be. You would have found someone else, and you still will." She explained, a mixture of sadness and hope in her voice.

"No, I wo-" he felt her tighten her grip on his hand.

"Tony, let's no talk about this now. Let us just enjoy ourselves." She hid her sorrows with a softly merry tone.

She was trying hard to be happy at this time, and soon, she would be filled with happiness, trying to cover up the pain and sadness that death plagued her with.

But for now, they drove. Tony thought, Ziva dozed.

_And how could you be someone's soul mate when they are not yours? _

He fit is his fingers in the spaces between hers. "Even if I am not your soul mate," his voice grew sad, but sprang with hope as he continued. "You are still my wife, and you are still my partner." His glistening eyes begged to cry, but he did not allow them to. "And I still love you."

The smile on her lips was not one of content or happiness, it was one of pure love.

"You should go to sleep." He suggested after a while. "We still have a good hour before we get there."

The sun was beginning to set, but it was not fully visible behind the tall pine trees that watched over the highway. But the sky was a perfect mixture of orange, pink, blue, and yellow. They were on their way to Virginia Beach, a night on the beach, under the stars, would do the newlywed couple good.

She nodded, even though she was already contemplating sleep. She laid her head to rest on the sweatshirt once again and watched the road, and cars, and trees pass by her too quickly. And soon, she was fast asleep, her hand still wrapped in Tony's.

And Tony waited until he knew she was truly asleep to let his heart ache and his tears fall.

For this was such a beautiful disaster.

…

_(McGee's Apartment)_

McGee and Abby sat contently on the floor, open pizza box in the middle of them and a few empty beer bottles scattered around them. They both sat next to each other, back leaning on the bottom of the couch and Jethro sleepy quite happily at their feet.

"I still can't believe it." McGee said in astonishment.

"Married. Mr. and Mrs. Dinozzo." Abby shook her head slowly at the thought.

"It's so…peculiar."

"But it really makes you think. I mean, at a time like this you just wanna stay with the ones you love." She took a bite of her pizza, looking around his apartment.

"Yea, cause life could end so quickly…or slowly." He agreed sadly.

Her tears startled him, her hugged her knees and cried into her thighs, causing Jethro to lift up his head, when he saw she was in distress he got up and walked over to her, sitting down next to her , placing his head on hers and whimpering. "Abs." he hated himself for making her cry.

Wrapping an arm around her, he rubbed her back with comfort, before she lunged onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck and never wanting to let go.

She sobbed into his shoulder, and he was okay with that.

"I hate this." Her mouth was so close to his ear, he could hear her loud and clear despite the sobs that escaped her.

Her voice was filled with sadness and frustration. "I hate that she comes into work with a beautiful smile and I have to act like everything's okay when all I can think of is how much I'm going to miss that smile and now that her and Tony are together I keep thinking how much of a wreck Tony's gunna be but Ducky keeps telling me to live in the now and not think of the future but the futures all I can think of an-"

She stopped, she did not need to be stopped, she just…did. And she took her head off of McGee's shoulder and looked into his eyes.

"I'm tired of pretending." She sounded exhausted, and he saw that in her eyes. With a small quirk to her lips, she laid her head back on his shoulder and let out a deep sigh.

He held her closer. "So am I."

* * *

**Wow. Got this done. Its 1:10 a.m. here and I really wanted to get this done before my friend's party. **

**Didja like the littlep play on the Tiva elevator scene? Hehe, just thought of that when i was in the shower...i do my best thinking while in there:D**

**Reviews and favorite line and yadda yadda yadda would be much appreciated:D think we can get to 200? I think so.**


	14. Perfect

**Sorry for the delay, haven't had anytime:P And we reached 200! Whoo!**

**

* * *

**

"I_f I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world…I don't quite know, hwo to say, how I feel. Those three words are said too much, __but not enough." Chasing Cars, Snow Partol_

_

* * *

_

"It is a beautiful night." she mused in a whisper.

He held her hand tighter.

There they lay on the small beach. The waves crashed softly, just tickling their feet. Ziva's leg lay across Tony's and their intertwined hands were on Tony's stomach. His nose just barely grazed her chin and his warm breath sent comforting chills down her spine.

It was a rare occasion for the stars to be so bright and lively. With every blink of the eye they seemed to sparkle even more. They danced across the midnight sky as the ill fated lovers rested beneath them.

She smiled for some unknown reason.

He kissed her cheekbone. "I love you." he stated in a hushed tone.

Ziva took in a sharp breath. "I love you too." She turned her head slightly to rest it upon his.

A shooting star passed.

A gasp slipped from his mouth. Normally he'd be slightly embarrassed, but instead he whispered into her ear. "Didja see that?"

She nodded; he could feel it against his nose. "You are supposed to make a wish, yes?"

And he did.

But it would never come true.

"You are going to move on." He couldn't decipher whether it was a command or a question. But because it was missing a 'right?' he thought it may be the former. "It may take a while for you to find someone that can handle you," she started lightly, speaking with a chuckle in her voice. "But you will find someone." And that was definitely a statement. "Eventually." she added easily.

"I can't." he laughed hopelessly.

He twisted her cigar ring. "Yes." He could feel her smile. "You can. And you will."

"And your kids." She let out an absent laugh at the thought of half a dozen little Dinozzos running around a freshly cut front lawn, all dressed in pure white t-shirts and new jeans. Perfection, something she never had and never wanted. "I want you to tell them about us, not just us, but the team." Her smiled held back her tears. "How much fun we had, how much we loved each other. How we were a family." A silent tear crept down her face.

Her throat became dry and she let out a struggled "I love you." to Tony.

He didn't cry, he didn't even shed a tear. His face held a scary stoic look.

But how could he do that?

How could he pretend Ziva just never existed? How could he move on and be legitimately happy without her?

He just bit his lip and looped his pinky with hers, bringing them up to eye level and swinging the intertwined fingers slowly. "I promise."

She laughed. "What is this?" she directed her eyes towards the two latched pinkies.

"A pinky promise." She laughed again. "What?" he asked, surprised that she did not know what that was. "They don't have pinky promises in Israel?"

"Not that I recall. But we do have…spit shake, you may call it?" she hacked into her open palm and reached out, looking to Tony who had a look of surprise, disgust, and happiness on his face.

He shook his head with a chuckle and spit into his hand. They shook, exchanging spit. They shared a laugh, even though he could see the wet streaks on her face that were once a path for tears. While his chuckle died down he brushed his thumb against her cheek, gently wiping away the tear's path.

He lay back down on the soft sand, not caring that his hair was filled with it. He brought her down, placing her head on his chest.

This was a honeymoon he had never imagined having.

But with his honey, under the moonlight, the night was as close to perfect as one can get.

…

_(That Same Night; McGee's Apartment)_

"Can I sleep over?" Abby asked softly, rubbing a hand over Jethro's stomach.

"You know you don't have to ask." Her cheeks were still smudged with black eyeliner and her voice was pretty shaky.

McGee glanced over at the clock. "It's late." He got up, giving a hand to Abby. "I got a t-shirt for you." he offered pulling her up.

Jethro followed them into the bedroom; McGee brushed his teeth while Abby changed. He already had his sweatpants on and was making his way towards the living room when her voice stopped him. "You forget something?"

He turned around. "No, I'm just…going to sleep?" he questioned her and himself.

She twisted her lips. "You sure? You don't mind? I mean I can sleep on the couch if you wan-"

"Abby, I'm fine." He gave her a genuine smile. "It's one night."

Abby lay down unsurely, she wasn't used to sleeping in a bed, let alone Tim's bed and she found herself struggling to fall asleep. Jethro was at his master's feet in the living room and with the door open she could hear Tim's soft snores.

Almost two hours had passed when she got up, wrapped the blue striped sheet around her and ventured into the living room. She watched him for a second, sleeping peacefully. Assuring Jethro she was not an intruder she climbed on top of McGee.

She suppressed a laugh as he stirred and sleepily tried to grab his gun on the side table. He was slow and she grabbed his arm. "It's just me." She let a chuckle slip.

"Oh, Abs." he smiled and closed his eyes, smuggling back into his pillow.

She was now fully on top of him, and she nestled her head into his neck, draping the blanket over both of them.

If just for tonight, maybe they'd forget about everything.

* * *

**So i was in a rush, like a huge rush and I'll get around to editing it later.**

**Please review with favorite line and suchness:D**


	15. Angel

**Yay! Next chapter time! Loving the reviews! Loving all of you actually :D

* * *

**

"_In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain__, n__othing to lose but everything to gain." September, Daughtry.

* * *

_

Ziva woke up in Tony's arms.

His warmth surrounding her, his weight under hers, their legs intertwined. She lifted her head up; the dawn light crept into her eyes, making her squint as she got up.

She turned to face her husband.

A laugh escaped her mouth. He was just waking up, the early morning light blinding him. Smacking his lips, he stared at his wife through half closed eyes. Not feeling content with his view he reached a hand up to her face and gently positioned her head in front of the sun. "Perfect." he observed.

It was early, five in the morning maybe. The beach was empty, it fall anyway. Ziva admired the serenity of the beach and the calmness of the waves.

"We should get going." he offered hesitantly, he didn't want to budge from where he was right now. But they had work tomorrow. And it was a hard thing to do, hiding all this from everyone. Taking a whole weekend off was already a risky thing to do, but they had managed to slide under Vance's radar thanks to the Los Angeles's team's big op taking up most of his time.

Tony stood up first, pushing Ziva off gently before moving. Reaching out a hand, she grabbed it and allowed him to pull her up.

He was stronger than she expected, or maybe she was growing weaker. And he pulled her into a passionate kiss.

* * *

_(On the road)_

They held hands, he flaunted his singing skills, she reluctantly showed him hers. He laughed at her smile, she smiled at his laugh.

And then, they stopped.

Mid-laugh, Tony's frowned. The car had stopped moving, the engine had died. The neon blinking E on the dashboard mocked them.

Ziva gave him a look. Tony returned it.

And then they laughed.

...

Sure, they were not in the middle of nowhere, but they definitely weren't in the middle of anything. It was a quite one lane highway and Tony had been able to get the Mustang over to the side of the road before it completely died. And as fate would have it, no cell service.

There had been a sign, thankfully, informing them of the gas station a mile down the road. And after being convinced that the phone was never going to work, they ventured down the road.

And although she had denied it several times, fatigue was taking over for Ziva. She hated herself for finally accepting Tony's invitation for a piggyback ride. After a short 'conversation' on why it was called a piggyback ride and not a horseback ride, Ziva had climbed on and rode on Tony for the last quarter mile to the station.

That was until they had gotten within sight of the gas station. Its bright and homely sign flashing dully in the cloudy morning light.

"I am fine from here." she said, causing him to stop.

"We're almost there," he pushed her up a bit. "You're not that heavy."

"Tony," she nipped his ear, causing his head to shake in surprise. "Put me down." she chuckled.

With a sigh, he obeyed.

And that's when the rain came.

The drizzle had only lasted a few seconds, and then it became heavier.

Ziva let out a laugh, letting her head face the sky, the raindrops hitting her face softly before sliding down her face. They felt almost _calming_ to her.

The novelty was starting to wear off by the minute as their clothes were starting to get soaked. Tony grabbed her hand and dashed for the gas station, avoiding as many puddles as he could.

Ziva ran with him, trying as hard as she could to keep up, even though she could sense that he was keeping it slow for her. They reached the gas station quickly and sought shelter under the awning.

She fell into his chest, feeling both the warmth of his body mixed with the coldness of the rain. They hadn't noticed that their hands were still intertwined and by the way Ziva reached up to kiss him tenderly, it was perfect that their hand were where they were.

The lady behind the counter was kind, and had a face that showed it. Her crisp green eyes took one look at the nearly soaked couple and a chuckle escaped her glossless lips. Her chubby arms reached under the counter and handed them two fresh towels. "Car troubles?" she smiled as they thanked her for the towels.

"Outta gas, about a mile up." Tony explained. "You're phone work?"

"Probably not, but you can try." She nudged her short bob over towards the payphone.

Tony smiled a sigh and stuck a quarter into the slot. Ziva wandered in between the isles, looking for something she was not in the mood for. Her eyes left a pack of Gummy Bears and found Tony's as he marched back to the counter unsuccessfully from the phone. He shook his head; he couldn't even get a dial tone on the dinosaur.

The woman smiled. "I can give you a free gallon, enough to get you back here and fill 'er up." she offered hopefully.

"That would be amazing." Tony said slowly, his voice giving off an appropriate thankfulness.

"It's no problem, really. You just gotta promise me you won't run off to one of them fancy shmancy stations in town." she warned with a chuckle.

Ziva laughed. "We will be back." She nodded contently.

Reaching behind the counter, she grabbed an old container and placed it on the counter. "So what's a cute couple like you two doing out here?" she asked, preventing Mr. and Mrs. Dinozzo from leaving.

"Honeymoon." And even Ziva was surprised at the pride in her own voice.

The smile in the woman's eyes grew brighter. "You two are newlyweds?"

Tony put his palm around Ziva's and nodded with a charming smile. "Yea." His eyes wandered to Ziva's face and stayed there.

"Well now I just _need_ to get a picture of you two. We hardly _never_ get honeymooners." She magically grabbed a camera from behind the counter and Tony was beginning to wonder what she _didn't_ have back there.

"Oh, I do not know." Ziva shook her head as well as her hands.

"Come on." Tony shrugged towards Ziva. "One picture?" he couldn't seem to wipe the smile off his face.

Ziva gave in. "What have we got to lose."

"A precious moment in time if you two don't skedaddle, my camera's running outta juice." Her hand motions were wild as she spoke.

Tony wrapped his arm around Ziva's waist as she buried her head close to his chest. A soft smile made its way onto her lips while his grin suited him much better.

"Beautiful, absolutely beautiful." the woman admired in awe. "Now, on the count of three."

Tony held her closer, taking in her wonderful scent. "One."

Ziva lay her head more on Tony's chest, his soaked sweater was beginning to dry and feel warm again. "Two."

Her elbow met his hand as it lay around her waist. "Three."

Tony dipped her down both quickly and unexpectedly, placing a wonderful kiss to her lips. Ziva was in shock, but accepted the kiss and even deepened it.

The flash went off.

"Ah!" the woman squealed in delight, setting the camera back on the counter.

Tony let go, staring into Ziva's chocolate browns for a moment, smiling a growing smile. He brought her back up swiftly and even earned a small gasp from Ziva as she landed in his chest.

"Goodness you two!" she ran up to them, wrapping them both in a bear hug. Her hands were still on their shoulders when she let go, giving them one final last look. "Well okay." She patted their shoulders in a friendly manner. "I'll see you two soon."

…

And soon she did see them. The rain had become a light drizzle and by the time they were halfway there, it had stopped all together. Ziva was once again on Tony's back, after much less argument than before, but there was still arguing none the less. After filing the car up with the gallon they drove slowly down the road back to the station.

The woman was waiting outside, leaning against the door, her smile still looking as warm as when they first saw her.

They filled the car up all the way; happy to pay her the bargain price for the gas and Tony had even thrown in a small tip. Ziva had already settled in the car, using Tony's sweatshirt as a pillow against the window, and was falling asleep fast.

The woman grabbed Tony's arm before he had a chance to get in. "Now you cherish her, you hear me?" He could tell she was stern, but with light motives. "Every minute, and don't let her get away. You have quite a beauty there and I'm sure as hell she's got a great heart." Tony smiled as to silently tell her she was right. The woman smiled, crinkling her nose. "You two are gunna last. I can feel it." The comment hit Tony a bit hard, but he smiled through it.

"Thanks." He gave her a genuine smile and was almost surprised at her friendly behavior, but it was a nice change from the people he usually had to deal with at work. "For everything, really-" something had cross him, he hadn't gotten her name, nor had he given her his. "Sorry, your name?" he asked.

"Kate."

She smiled a familiar smile.

Tony's eyes narrowed on hers but his smile stayed the same. He breathed a chuckle and shook his head, almost in disbelief. "Thanks…Kate."

"No problem, _Tony_." And with that she walked back into her store.

* * *

**So? **

**I know that this whole thing would be noticed by Vance, but for the sake of my story, lets loosen the lines a bit kay? **

**Review! Favorite line and such.**


	16. Days

"_I'm falling even more in love with you__. __Letting go of all I've held onto__."- Hanging By A Moment, Lifehouse

* * *

_

Tony had a problem, a growing problem.

Ever since kissing Ziva, sleeping with Ziva, marrying Ziva, he had fallen more and more in love with her.

He was falling faster and faster for a dying woman.

He was burying himself deeper in misery every time he looked across the bullpen, her hair fluffier and more alive as her days became scarce. Or how she would flicker a smile in his direction every time his own grin needed a companion. Her soft kisses in the morning and her gentle massages in the shower. Her eyes that still managed to sparkle in her darkening eye sockets.

He was continuing to love every little detail about her.

And it was breaking his heart.

* * *

_(Suspects House)_

"Officer White, you don't have to do this!" Tony urged the nervous man.

They weren't expected to be welcomed by gunshots, three, through the roof of his condo. Rushing in, they found Officer White greeting them with a revolver. Their guns already drawn, Tony and Ziva stood face to face with the unstable man, suspected for murdering a fellow Officer and with his homicidal actions, probably guilty.

Ziva took a breath; her mark was steady. Her heart, however, was racing. "We just want to talk Michael." she eased him with his first name.

"No, no, no, no. I know what you do with guys like me, you're gunna put me in jail." His voice rose an octave as he spoke, gun now pointed directly at Ziva, who inhaled deeply.

Tony shot a nervous glance towards her, his heart felt like it was in his throat, and his lunch was doing summersaults in his stomach. He had never felt this sick when he was in a situation like this. Danger was his middle name; exhilaration, his first. But now, he had too much to lose, and more time to be spent.

"Michael, we just wanna talk." Tony tried to steady his voice.

The gun was now aimed at him. "You, shut up!" he shouted, pulling down the hammer.

A shot rang out.

"Gah!" Michael winced in pain, falling down, his hand a bloody mess.

Ziva's gun smoked, her face was beautifully stoic. Tony slowly turned his head towards her. She looked at him, but showed no emotion.

Michael still lay on the ground, right hand around his half gone left. "Holy fuck!" he cursed, "My fucking hand." He rocked on his back, eyes and teeth close tight in pain.

Tony holstered his gun, coming towards the man, grabbing a random pillow case that had been left on the couch and wrapping it around his wound. "That bitch shot my hand off."

Ziva walked over to him slowly, taking her phone out and pressing the small two. When she was directly over him, her face still drained of emotion, but his full of pain and anger, she spoke.

"You'll live."

She could have killed him; a shot to the head, to the heart, but she didn't.

And by doing so, she had given him the greatest gift of all.

Life.

* * *

_(A Few Days Later)_

Dawn had broken upon Washington DC and Tony had still not fallen asleep.

Instead, he had spent most of the night holding Ziva tightly in his arms, afraid that if he let go, she would disappear.

She had coughed all night, and moaned and groaned, twisting and turning.

He had tried his best to comfort her, and most of the time, his love had kept her still for a while. But not even the strongest bond of love and compassion can cure cancer, no matter how hard we want it to.

They each had a limited amount of clothes on underneath the comforter that lay on Ziva's bed. She lay on her side, Tony spooning her, his legs intertwined with hers and his body creating a shield around her back.

The skin directly under her eye sockets was starting to turn a soft purple. She was tired most of the time, but her painkillers and natural strength were helping her make it through the day better than most would expect.

He kissed her neck. "Bad day?"

He felt her nod against his shoulder and pressed his nose back against her hair, taking in her warm scent. "I'll be right back." he rose slowly, bound for the kitchen.

She lay tiredly and motionless on the bed. Unable to move; her bones felt weak and her fingers trembled. And even with all her will power, her eyes would not open. She felt like crap, to say the least. It was days like this that reminded her that she could never, would never, go like this; pathetically, weak, and in pain.

Tony was back in record time. Half a dozen or so pills in hand. He turned her around gently and lifted her head up, she groaned tiredly. His throat felt dry, she was in pain, and so was he. After a few minutes that seemed like an hour, the pills had been swallowed and Ziva was lying back down on her side, in the comfort of her husband.

His frown turned into a small smile as she made an effort to snuggle deeper into his embrace. He met her halfway and pulled her closer. "Talk." She let out hoarsely, the words leaving a bitter dryness in her mouth.

He smiled, and began talking.

He talked about everything, he could think of. He spoke about two dozen or so movies, their plot lines becoming a blur in the entanglement of actors and actresses. He spoke about work, about his old cases in Baltimore. He spoke about his childhood (although did not mention his mother's death) and his high school friends. He spoke about TV shows, vacations, embarrassing first dates, anything to keep their minds off of everything else.

Six hours. Tony Dinozzo had spoken for six hours straight. That has to be a record in some country. Ziva has drifted in and out of sleep throughout his conversation with himself. And yet, she had loved it. His voice was warm and comforting, like a putting on an old winter sweater.

Tony had soon found himself asleep, holding Ziva like a childhood teddy bear. When a steady knock on the door had woke him up from his slumber. He glanced at the clock, 6:00 it read; dinner time.

It was Abby, followed a few minutes by McGee, Ducky, and Gibbs. They had brought whatever they had decided to make or was in their fridge. As they got the table ready, Tony tiptoed into the bedroom, now fully clothed.

"Love," he hesitated. "Everyone's hear." he informed her, but she had already heard their voices.

She took a deep breath; he walked over to her side of the bed. "You don't have to if you-"

Her groan interrupted him. "I will." she said meekly.

He slowly helped her out of bed. Refusing to be carried in front of everyone, she used his shoulder as a support and made it to the kitchen, stifling a smile before she sat on the couch. The food had been moved to the coffee table in front of the couch and they all sat Indian style around the table. They asked nothing about how she was feeling, they knew already. Abby gave her as much as a hug as she could and there was some soft shoulder pats from the other men.

They talked for a while; a few stories earning a smile from the tired Ziva. She was able to open her eyes for most of the meal and watch as they all kept a strong smile.

With her head resting on his lap, Tony did not want to get up and disturb her. They saw themselves out, promising they'd be back tomorrow.

Tony brushed a hand through Ziva's hair. She was fast asleep, her eyes heavy with tiredness and her bones sore. She was still losing weight and was wearing baggy clothes to hide it, but it went noticed among the team, and especially Tony. Her face was drained and her hair was dry; her limbs were weak and her lips were now in a frown.

But Tony still found her to be absolutely beautiful.

"I love you." he whispered into her cheek as he leaned down to kiss her.

This wasn't her first bad day, and it certainly wouldn't be her last and Tony was going to make sure he was there for every single one.

And all the days in between.

* * *

**Review, favorite line and such please.**

**Sorry if that was a short and kind of rushed chapter but I needed to get it out before I went to sleep or else I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. I'll check my mistakes in the AM so sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors. **


	17. Beyond

_"Someday you will find it; A way to say goodbye, a way to put the memories aside. It's only getting better once you cross the line. Every trace of happiness erased in time…__Love is like a bullet in the heart."- Love is Like, Skold vs. KMFDM_

_

* * *

_

It was better when she was sleeping.

The pain, that is.

He could hide it better. She couldn't see him.

The tears he tried so hard to hold in, and usually, he was. But when she was sleeping, the fake smile came off, and the tears slipped out.

He would watch her, every night he could not fall asleep. He would prop himself up on his elbow and just lay there, hand casually draped over her, her warmth underneath his arm. He watched her chest rise and fall in a steady pattern, her eyes move under her eyelids during a dream, and he would wonder what she was dreaming of, he usually asked her when she woke.

Everything was so peaceful when she was asleep, she felt no pain, so his pain was less.

But it was still present.

He had sacrificed everything for her, and would until the very end, and beyond that.

* * *

The months passed by perfectly, plenty of dates and good times together. Picnics in empty parks or dancing to whatever music played on the radio at two in the morning.

Morning coffee, glances stolen across the bullpen, sleepless nights, sleepfull nights, lunches, interrogations, movies, dinners, time, kisses, touches, breaths.

All things that they did not take for granted over those few weeks.

And before Tony knew it, it had been three months.

Three months used to come and go for Tony and he wouldn't even think twice about it. Things changed, but that was life. But this, this was not just going to be a simple adjustment.

It was going to be time to say goodbye. And he didn't know if he could muster up the strength to do such a feat.

And Ziva hated herself for knowing well how much pain he would be in. sure, she gave him many chances to not do this, warning him, even though she knew he was well aware of what he was getting himself into.

One night, she woke up quietly, only to find him watching her, his fingers dancing softly against her arm. She rolled over; he embraced her in her arms.

She looked up at him with loving eyes. "Thank you." she whispered, her breath tickling his jaw.

"For what?" That was a stupid question.

She breathed a low laugh. "I could live for another hundred years and I still would not be able to thank you for the past three months."

He stared at her, his face showing no emotion, but his eyes smiled. "I always loved you." Silence. "Even if I wasn't always in love with you."

He shook his head, his eyes in obvious disappointment. "I should have told you."

She chuckled. "I am not dead yet Tony." He hated how she smiled at that. "And you have, you tell me every day."

"But it's not enough." he whispered absently.

"It is!" her voice was low, but passionate. "I love you Tony." He voice was assertive.

He thought for a moment, a long moment. "I'd just like to think that all this would have happened even if you weren't dying."

"But I would not have." she admitted, even she felt guilty. "Dying changes everything."

She lay back down on his shoulder, taking in a sharp breath. She felt his head hit the top of hers as she nodded. It was a while before he said anything else. "Do you really, _really _think I loved you enough?" his voice was dry and cracked.

She twisted her head and propped herself upwards, meeting his sad eyes. Their legs intertwined and their arms tangled together. "More than anyone has ever loved me." she sounded as if she was going to break, but she did not.

Ziva gave him a tender kiss. His eyes melted into hers as sadness overtook his face. "I love you." His words were slow, but exceptionally meaningful.

And that was all she ever wanted.

* * *

**Review please and thank you.**

**I just wanted to give a quick thanks to everyone who has reviewed/alerted this story and follows so faithfully. Seriously, my heart jumps every time I get an alert for this story. **

**And I think my email is back so I'll be able to reply to any really nice reviews, although they all are:D**


	18. Overwhelmed

**Grab your tissues, even I was sobbing while writing this.**

**I'd like to give a quick thanks to (Kate) who gave me a few quotes. Thanks so much, but from here, I have all the quotes and chapters all set and ready to be typed. There will be 23 chapters all together plus a short epilogue. **

**Short Note: ****The Book Thief****, great book, go read it. I love how Death is the narrator, it's just so amazing, go, now, get the book!**

**

* * *

**

"_Even death has a heart." –The Book Thief, Markus Zusak._

_

* * *

_

It was a simple suspect pickup.

Two men. They were trying to catch them in the act, trading suppliers. Easy. Ziva could handle this situation with her eyes closed.

But today, today was different. She climbed out of the Dodge Charger, Tony on her side, hands just barely touching their guns as they moved towards the abandoned warehouse.

She stopped, inhaling deeply. Slightly numb from the medication, but she could move. A slight breezed wrapped around her. She called her husband's name. He turned around, his eyes absently worried.

She moved slowly towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him strongly. "I love you." she stifled a smile.

He shook his head, but she placed a finger firmly over his lips. "Let's go." Her voice was calm despite her pounding heart.

Her hand was wrapped around his. He hesitated, not moving as he felt her hand slip from his and watched her move towards the rotting building.

The wind blew her name into his ear; he snapped out of his trance pulled out his phone, sending a quick 911 text to Gibbs before jogging after her.

They found the two men not far in the warehouse, and one look at the firearms holstered at their side and Tony and Ziva took refuge behind a wooden crate. Tony's foot shuffled as he backed up.

They heard it.

One man immediately took out his gun. He began shouting and fired a shot or two in the air, he was serious. Ziva took him out, with a shot from behind the crate, straight through his back.

He didn't even see the bullet coming.

It took two shots for Tony to get the second guy, who had also taken his gun out at the same time; he had unlocked the safety and had been wailing it around unsteadily.

Tony moved towards the two bodies lying lifelessly on the floor, he kicked the guns away and checked their pulses, neither had one.

He breathed a sigh of relief. Ziva was wrong, today was not the day.

He turned around slowly, hoping to meet her relaxed face, but instead saw a gun, pointed towards him.

The man, a third, hired by one of the men for security, was on the metal stairs, gun aimed for Tony's head. He heard her shout, a mix of worry, and protectiveness. "Tony!" her voice echoed throughout the warehouse.

He was absently overwhelmed.

A shot rang out.

He fell with a loud thump.

Everything became slow. Time had seemed to stop. He hardly processed a thing that happened.

He felt her weight on him; that he knew for sure. Something warm was surrounding him, fast.

Blood.

His head was throbbing, and probably bleeding, but the blood was on his chest. Something was near his hand, he grabbed it.

A gun.

He opened his eyes.

Ziva was sprawled out on his chest, he couldn't tell whether she was breathing or not.

He saw the man, the man that had shot her, on the stairs. Tony lifted he body up despite the pain.

And shot.

He didn't know when the man went down, he didn't even know if he had killed him or just wounded him. But he was definitely not his first priority, far from it.

"Ziva, Ziva!" he whispered, although he did not know why.

He cradled her in his arms; her green jacket was soaked with blood, blood that matched the one smeared on Tony's shirt. He didn't know exactly where the bleeding was coming from, but she was losing it,_ fast_.

Her eyes were fluttering, there was a weak pulse. "No, no, no, Ziva, no." he was ordering, no begging, for her to wake up. He had to hold her head to keep her steady.

Tony lightly patted her cheek. "Ziva, Ziva! Not yet, no, _not yet_!" his throat was tight and he could hardly spit the words out.

Her chocolate browns opened slightly, just enough to see him. She smiled.

He held her hand tightly as he pulled her into his embrace more. The blood had made its way down her side and was starting to form a puddle underneath the ill-fated couple. "Did you get him?" she whispered, her voice was angelic.

He didn't answer right away, but shook his head; he was not losing her, not now, not ever. "Did you?" it took all her strength to talk.

"Yea, yea, I got him." he said rapidly, his voice low and blue.

She nodded, a content smile on her face. Her eyes started to close, Tony patted her again. "No, no Ziva you can't." Tears blurred his vision as he tried to focus on her beauty.

Her skin was flushed from the blood loss and her eyes were growing empty, but they still held a small twinkle in them. Her hair cascaded from its roots, surrounded her head and resting on her shoulders. Tony had managed to push the stray pieces of hair off her face before she spoke. "Tired…" she muttered as she drifted off, receiving another small pat that opened her eyes. "Hmm?" she hummed questioningly.

"Ziva." he choked her name out through a sob, a few tears flying down his cheeks. It took most, if not all, of her strength to lift a hand to his cheek. Once it was there, Tony put his palm over hers. She brushed her thumb over his cheek lovingly.

"I love you." she assured him slowly.

He was still holding onto her hand, tightly, while he placed it against his chest. And still, his hand stayed there.

"I love you too."

She smiled a genuine smile, but it was small. She shook her head, a smile still stained on her face. "It is time." she did not want to admit it herself. He shook he head, trying to stay strong for her, but he was failing. "Thank you." she squeaked as a tear peacefully left her eye.

He brought her face close to his, feeling her warmth against his cheek. She pulled him down by his tie, and kissed his cheek softly.

It was warm and gentle, loving and blissful.

"I'm glad we stopped pretending."

Were her last words; she blinked, a stifled smile that never left her face, and closed her eyes slowly for the last time.

And with that, she slipped away.

Tony sobbed, pulling her body in closer. "Me too." He whispered into her ear, wanting to congratulate her on using a contraction. "Crazy ninja chick."

Death was no stranger to Ziva. He had always been close to her, carrying her loved ones away and lingering in her weapons.

She had accepted his presence more times than she wanted to think about and he had always turned her down despite her many begging's and pleadings.

But this time, death embraced her, carrying her away peacefully in his caring arms, he allowed her to cheat a painful death, and instead die in her comfort zone.

Death was a friend of Ziva's and having taken her sister and her mother so quickly and ruthlessly, he decided he owed her a favor.

Ziva embrace her old friend, one she had always known had been there, but had never fully seen. She took his hand, slightly unwillingly, but it was her time; it was strong and almost comforting hold. And he carried her up to forever.

* * *

Gibbs had come into the warehouse, McGee close on his six, expecting the worse.

And that's exactly what he got.

Tony sat on the floor, against a wooden crate, the still warm body of Ziva, his wife, his partner, his soul mate, cradled in his still loving and hopeful embrace.

Gibbs stopped in his tracks, the lack of light surrounding the crate made Tony and Ziva only a shadow amongst everything else.

He breathed, overtaken by emotion, rubbing the back of his neck as he walked awkwardly around the open space not knowing what to do with himself.

Tim was in shock. His mouth was shut tightly and his eyes were wet with forming tears. His throat just barely managed to let him breathe.

A while passed before anyone said anything. Gibbs had stopped moving and just stood facing Tony, who had not yet acknowledged his presences.

Tim swallowed hard, and spoke slowly and unsurely. "Should I call Ducky?" his eyes looked down at the floor while he spoke, he was in another world despite his full knowledge of what was going on.

"No." he said simply. There was a pause; Tim did not know what to do. "Go home. Take Abby."

_Abby. _

Tim couldn't bear to do it. But he followed his orders and slowly made his way out of the warehouse.

Getting in the front seat of the Dodge Charger, he slammed the horn angrily, once, twice, three times before vigorously rubbing his hand across his face.

* * *

Tony's arms were still strong around her. Her hand was still in his hand, but it was limp now. And she was losing warmth.

_I couldn't live without you, I guess._

He found himself asking the same questions once again.

_Could he?_

_Would he?_

Her words lingered around him. "Let go, _please_."

She would want him to, she needed him to. But this was not even happening right? Ziva was not dead. The world had stopped. Time was nothing. Without Ziva, life did not go on. He waited for a tsunami to lift all life away, or for a meteor to wipe out every living creature.

But nothing happened.

Life continued.

A child was born, a couple got married, a soldier came home.

And Ziva had died.

And he was simply overwhelmed.

* * *

**I'm sorry, I don't know about you, but I have tears. And my writing never makes me cry, only when I act it out in my head. **

**So, a few more chapters after this.**

**Review, please? My Monday would be made.**

**2 days!**


	19. Believe

**Wow. **

**Last chapter got amazing response. **

**Thank you all so much, that was a very hard chapter to write. And I'm so happy with the response it got. I am truly blessed to have such amazing readers:D**

**And this chapter is for earanemith, because her youtube video of this song kept me inspired

* * *

**

"_I used to believe in love, I used to believe in fate, I used to believe that I could find my way. I used to believe in miracles. I used to believe in God above, now I see my faith has been betrayed…And if I find a way to make it all seem right, you would still be gone, and I'd be here alone…All these tears can't wash away, the pain I keep inside…and I can pray but it won't change, the way I felt before…All that's left is emptiness and darkness fills the light."- I Don't Believe It Anymore, Cote DePablo

* * *

_

There was no music.

One light.

And the soft hum of a few machines.

He called out her name, but it only echoed against the steel surfaces, returning immediately back towards him.

Abby didn't answer, she sat against the wall in the ballistics room, Bert and he legs hugged tightly against her chest. She never answered, but he still found a way to find her.

When he did, her eyes were smudged with black eyeliner and she was shaking. "What's wrong?" His voice lacked in concern.

"She's gone isn't she?" Abby's voice cracked as she spoke, her head sunk deeper into her legs.

He leaned against the wall beside her, slowly sinking down to the floor, until he was bunched up next to her. As soon as his shoulder hit hers, she dropped her head on his shoulder. He couldn't even bear to say the words, to speak the truth.

_Yes._

Instead, he asked a question, but it confirmed her suspicions.

"How'd you know?" he asked softly.

She unraveled her fists, which was tightly clenched against her chest, reveling Ziva's necklace. "She left this…in my lab." By now, tears were streaming down her face, but she held in the sobs she so desperately wanted to let out.

A little part of McGee was almost happy he didn't have to break the news to Abby. He didn't have to trudge into her lab, watching her absently bounce to the music blasting from the speakers. She didn't have to turn around and see the weary face he wouldn't even try to hide. He didn't have to catch her as she broke down at his words, because she wouldn't believe it until he said it.

It was her final act of kindness towards them.

* * *

She was dead.

And yet she was still beautiful.

Her body lay lifeless on the cold slab; her dark curls pillowed her head. The color had drained from her delicate face, giving her lips a light purple hue. And although her cancer was evident in death, with her skin taking the shape of the ribs in her chest and the dark circles beneath her eyes even darker, she was still beautiful.

Tony was afraid to touch her; afraid to feel the empty coldness of her skin instead of the warm he wanted to be surrounded in.

He swallowed hard, gently placing his harm hand over her icy one.

He shivered.

Autopsy was colder than usual. But he didn't wonder why; he knew why.

He heard her voice.

_She's safe now Tony. There's no pain here. _

"Thanks." His lips twitched into a second long-half smile.

A silent tear crawled down his face.

He stroked her hand gently with his finger, mentally pleading her to warm up, to grab his hand, to breathe.

He nodded, accepting that that was not going to happen. His eyes closed; when they opened, they were filled with tears. He fought them back, an inner battle that he eventually lost.

He slid down the side of the autopsy table, his head making a distinct thumping sound against the steel when he sat down on the floor.

Tony closed his eyes, never wanting to wake, but tomorrow would come.

_Unfortunately. _

It was a Tuesday, and he dreaded Wednesday.

It meant that life would go on; it meant that _he_ had to go on.

Her death was still fresh in his mind. The moments leading up to it still lingering in his thoughts and nightmares that would soon follow the many sleepless nights he would spend tossing and turning.

He couldn't believe it.

How could this day have come so fast?

He only had three months with her; 92 days with her.

It wasn't enough.

Nothing would be enough.

And she just expected him to move on?

How could he find love when he had just lost it?

_Forever._

How could he just sit at his desk every day, staring at the emptiness that would soon occupy Ziva's desk? And after that, how could he even look at the new agent, laughing, eating, working, _breathing_ at Ziva's desk.

She was gone.

Why was he so surprised?

He knew what he was getting himself into. He knew she was dying; he knew this day would come.

What if he had decided not to? Not to love her; to just support her as a friend, be there when she needed him and nothing more.

Or if he had decided to love her sooner? To have more time; to notice the disease.

No, she could have hid it from him anyway, she would have told him everything was fine.

There was no creating a perfect world in this situation.

Because perfection does not exist.

* * *

A kind hand woke up Tony.

His back ached as much as his heart.

"My dear boy it is late." Ducky looked down at him, his hand around his shoulder.

He let out a tired moan. "Ducky." He said tiredly. Looking around him he found he was still in autopsy, on the floor, Ziva's body lying peacefully above him. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to get my coat. Anthony, you need to go home, get some rest." Tony rubbed his eyes, slowing getting up.

He turned around, looking down at Ziva's body one last time. The Israeli beauty perfectly still on the table, the red stitches catching his eyes.

Ducky could see the lack of emotion on his face, but the emotions and thoughts running through his head were apparent in his empty stare.

"She felt no pain, not with all the pain medication she was taking. Actually, she would have felt a little numb, but not much pain. She went quickly…death was kind to her." he explained.

His face did not show the smidge of relief he was feeling.

Ducky took a breath, shifting his weight. "The cancer was more severe than I first assumed. It was a miracle she was even able to shoot." He paused. "She would have been gone by the end of the week, if that long."

"And her lung tumor, twice the size of what she perceived it to be. Or perhaps she knew that…" he lost himself in thought while Tony kept his trance locked on Ziva.

"She could have shot him. She had her gun, enough bullets, enough time…" Tony shook his head, fighting back more tears.

"She saved you." he stated. "And in a way…you saved her."

But Tony didn't know what to believe anymore.

* * *

**I hope that made somewhat sense, the last line and such. **

**Its kinda late, and I really wanted to get this chapter out. Its pretty short, but that's cause the next one is really long. So I'm gunna spend most of Sunday and maybe a little of Monday on it. So hopefully Monday night or Tuesday.**

**So…review? Favorite line(s)?**


	20. Deal

**Sorry this took awhile:P**

**I still love all of you, each and every one of you:D**

* * *

"_Jersey just got colder and, I'll have you know I'm scared to death, that everything that you had said was just a lie until you left. Now I'm hoping just a little bit stronger, hold me up just a little bit longer, I'm fine, I swear, I'm just gone beyond repair." –Jersey, Mayday Parade_

_

* * *

_

Tony didn't go home.

It was too soon.

He, or rather his mustang, made a B-line for McGee's apartment, the aroma of day old pizza and a few six packs of Corona were the only thing keeping him awake.

He pulled up to McGee's and without another thought, walked right up to McGee's door and let himself in, pizza box in one hand, a few beers in the other.

He found Tim sitting at his desk, his fingers flying across his typewriter. He didn't even acknowledge Tony's presence as he threw a slice of pizza in front of him and left the six-pack open on the side of his desk. Taking a seat on the gray cushioned chair in the corner of McGee's writing area, Tony took a long sip of beer.

It was ages before either of them spoke, or at least that's what it seemed like.

"She's really gone."

The steady tapping sound from McGee's typewriter came to an abrupt stop. He let go of a long breath; realizing the pizza in front of him, he decided that his diet didn't matter right now.

He didn't answer, but he didn't have to answer. Instead, he waited. It was another few minutes before Tony spoke

"Look at us," he stifled a weak chuckle. "A couple-a handsome bachelors, and yet all the women that really matter leave us."

The statement made McGee think, about Kate, Paula, Jenny, even Lee. And now Ziva.

"Where's Abby?" He asked, still in an absent trance.

McGee motioned towards slightly ajar door to his bedroom. "She's sleeping." Tony nodded; Abby needed sleep, the first day was always the worst with Abby, it was the bawling day.

"Duck said she wasn't in any pain." That was his best attempt at comfort right now.

Tony stared into the floor, McGee was almost afraid his eyes would fall out. "Yea, he told me." Tony answered sadly.

"Don't beat yourself up over this." His voice lacked the caring tone the words should come with. "Her final wish was to die a hero." He paused. "You made that happen."

He didn't smile, his eyes didn't have a slight twinkle to them, he didn't cry or breakdown, he didn't even feel. Instead, he took a long sip of his beer, finishing it.

* * *

Ziva didn't want to make a big deal of her death; but she did plan everything. So that no one _would_ have to make a big deal.

Her life insurance checks went straight to Tony, her things were split up among the team.

There was no big funeral, no wake, just a small burial.

Tony didn't remember much. Abby's hand was around his most of the time, or someone's was. There were shoulder pats from the director, Ducky, Palmer. And the half hug McGee gave him, a brotherly hug that told him he was there.

And then there was Gibbs.

He couldn't remember it clearly, he knew he was close to Ziva's grave, maybe even right next to it. Gibbs looked him right in the eye, but Tony's eyes were locked on the ground. He put a strong hand on his shoulder and kept it there for a moment, but the silver's fox's heart was too big for him to resist.

He brought him in for a hug.

Tony was caught off guard by the gesture but didn't allow it to be shown. His lips twitched into a second long smile while a lonely tear traveled slowly down his face.

* * *

Tony sat on the floor in Ziva's apartment, his back up against the wall.

It still smelt like vanilla.

His knuckles hurt, and his eyes ached.

He had left his gun in his apartment and there was nothing within arm's reach of him. If someone had tried to break in, attempting to rob or destroy the place, he was absolutely vulnerable. And as he thought about it, he probably wouldn't flinch. He would just sit there, hoping they were experts, twitchy ones at that, and that they didn't want to leave behind any witnesses. Maybe then, sweet death would come upon him.

He was alone, and yet he wasn't.

_She's safe. I promise. _

"I want her back."

_Tony, you know I can't do that…But if I could, I would. She misses you. And she hates seeing you like this._

"Tell her I love her."

_She already knows._

_

* * *

_

McGee and Abby joined Tony at her apartment later that night, and after reading the letters and going through a few of her things, her scent still lingering on each and every one of them, they drifted into a light slumber, next to each other on the couch, backs against the bottom of the brown leather.

Abby in the middle, her head rested on Tony's shoulder, her hand on McGee's.

A soft snore escaped Tim as the door opened quietly.

Gibbs entered and cracked a microscopic smile at the sight of his sleeping agents and forensic scientist.

_And then there were three._

He made his way into the kitchen, only to find it impossible to walk over the broken glass. Gibbs shook his head. "God, Tony." He looked around, there was a small dent in the wall and some bloody paper towels.

"Boss." If the apartment weren't dead silent, he would have been able to hear Tony's call.

Gibbs turned around, making his way towards Tony. He stopped in front of him, waiting for him to speak. He looks down at his agent, Abby still sleeping soundly on his shoulder.

"How'd you do it?" Gibbs knows what he's talking about.

He was slow with his answer, but it came from the heart. "Tried to replace her."

"And when that didn't work?"

"You deal. It's hard, never gets easy. Sometimes are easier than others, but you live."

Tony shifted his eyes to the floor as he lets the words sink in. "It's what she'd want you to do. And you'll find someone that makes you happy, maybe not as happy as her, but you're happy."

_Cause that's all she ever wanted._

_

* * *

_

Work is hard, but they returned to it.

Not a day went by where Ziva was not on their minds.

Tony hated waking up alone; he dreaded falling asleep for the pure thought of waking up without Ziva's warmth in his arms.

There were sometimes when he felt like just giving up. Times where he would just sit in her apartment, which was now empty; some of the furniture she left was at his place, most of her bigger items were in a storage container a few miles down the road, another place he spent some of his time at.

He went to the bar a lot, never alone though, Abby wouldn't allow it. Either her, McGee, or both of them had to accompany him.

Gibbs was called up to the Director's office, on a quite Thursday afternoon. He was dreading the conversation, because he knew exactly what it was.

"I read Agent David's autopsy report." Vance informed him gruffly.

Gibbs lifted his chin up slightly.

"She was dying." But he wasn't surprised. "Cancer."

Gibbs stood his ground, so did Vance.

"I know you know everything about your team, things like this don't just go unnoticed."

"She's gone, does it matter how it happened?" There was a slight quiver in Gibbs's voice that wouldn't have been detected by a stranger's ear. It took Vance by slight surprise and he loosened.

"Don't let it happen again." It's stupid to say, but he has a heart.

"Never." And it's a promise, one he plans on keeping.

* * *

McGee and Abby grew closer; Abby was usually at his apartment. At first, it was nothing, too mourning friends comforting each other with their mere presence. But soon, Abby founds something in McGee, perhaps the same thing she found in his the first time she kissed him.

But nothing was official and no sleepless nights or kisses had been shared between them yet, but they both felt something growing.

Tony breathed, a lot more consciously. He felt her everywhere and he tried his hardest to deal.

He took long walks, facing the brutal cold and loving it. The wind piercing his face like a gust of needles assured him that he was alive. Most of the walks ended him up at Ziva's grave. He would sit there on the ground for hours, under the old weeping willow she used to pass on her way to work, falling in love with it. He would talk, or he would laugh, or he would cry.

There were a few easy times, Abby usually came over for a movie and a good cry-talk. McGee was usually his bar buddy, and at times, he found enjoyment in trying to get McGee a date. And of course, McGee would let him, no matter how much he hated it. Most of his alcohol was consumed in Gibb's basement, and Gibbs had almost gotten him into woodwork. But Tony wasn't the best with his hands, only accomplishing a small wooden crate.

And there had been hard times, and he would admit it. He had put a few guns to his face, even pulled the trigger of an empty one once. But he couldn't do it.

He was scared.

* * *

**It's an awkward place to end it, but oh well.**

**Next chapter is going to be a short "intermission" if you will, containing the letters that she wrote to them. So I guess there will be around 24 chapters. **

**And just a little side note, these last few chapters are actually the easiest to write, not the emotion, just the plots, because these chapters have been planned out since like day one. **

**So favorite line and such pwease?**


	21. Coping

**Sorry I didn't have this when I planned to. I changed this chapter a bit, but not the others, there will still be what 23, I said? Yea, about 23 chapters so like…wow…2 more and then the epilogue. Jeez, is it bad that I'm actually kind of excited?

* * *

**

"_If you have to leave I'd wish you'd just leave, your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone. These wounds won't seem to heal, the pain is just too real; there's just too much that time cannot erase." –My Immortal, Evanescence

* * *

_

It rained most of the time.

Or at least that's how it seemed.

Days morphed into weeks which soon became months.

Tony was getting through, slowly but surely. They all were.

He cried when he was asleep, and tried his hardest to smile during the day. He hated sleeping alone, he hated being alone. He hated not feeling her soft hand wrapped around his; he hated the absent pressure of her thighs on top of his when he sat on the couch.

Sometimes he would sit on the floor, surrounded by pictures, some from before Ziva, hundreds of pictures before the cancer, a few from before the wedding, many of them taken after the wedding, all before death.

He would pick one up and stare at it for minutes before going to the next one, searching his mind for the right memory and almost flying back to that time, that moment, that breath.

And it took every fiber in his being to come back to reality, the dark and cruel reality.

After four long months, Tony showed signs of healing.

"_Hey Probie!" Tony yelled absently from his desk, his concentration hard on the computer monitor. _

_McGee's head shot up, and he held back the slight lift of his lips into a smile at the nickname he had actually missed. "Yea."_

"_Come over here McMapmaker. Lady Probie is lost…again. She needs directions. Send these to her mapquesty thing."_

_It took a moment for McGee to process it, Tony actually calling him by a McNickname? "Sure thing."

* * *

_

Abby took a little longer.

She cried more than she expected to. And daily hugs from any of her boys were necessary for getting through the day.

She had dealt with death before, and had handled it better than this. Working at NCIS had its pros, but death was the biggest con.

"_This kid is seventeen. I should be able to get into his damn computer." Abby said behind clenched teeth. _

"_This kid is also a hacking prodigy." She let out a deep sigh. "Abs, don't go so hard on yourself."_

_She sat down with a thump. McGee continued to type in a few random codes he hoped would work. _

_And then, she broke down. _

_She didn't know why, there was no reason for it, but she did. And she broke hard. _

_Her sobs originated from nothing and she was glad McGee was the only witness. _

"_Abs." he said softly, squatting down to face her. He rubbed her thigh comfortingly. "Come on, don't do this." But she didn't stop. He wrapped his arms around her, she cried into his shirt. "It's okay, I'm here." _

_A few minutes passed before she even realized what she was doing. She stopped herself, as hard as it was to do, and lifted herself off of McGee. "I don't know what…" but she lost herself in her words. _

"_It's okay." He looked at her with kind eyes. _

"_I shouldn't be like this. It's been long enough."_

"_Abs, don't compare this to Kate." McGee warned softly. "It's not the same. We knew Ziva longer."_

_Her eyes glistened with tears that were not yet ready to fall. And he wiped a black tear from her cheek. Her sobs turned into hiccups; he had to hold her steady, for she was still shaking. _

"_Abby." He looked at her sternly. "Breathe, okay? Just breathe."

* * *

_

McGee wrote.

And wrote.

And wrote some more.

And when there was no more writing to do,

He still wrote.

But he had no idea what he had written.

He kept some in a folder, some he shredded.

Abby tried to read them a few times, when he was in the shower or taking Jethro for a walk, but there were so many words jumbled together, none of the sentences made any sense.

"_I write down what I feel in that moment."

* * *

_

Ducky talked more than often, and he added stories of Ziva to his endless collection; although Palmer hated hearing anything that involved her. It made him blue.

He thought about her often, but he knew he would most likely be the first to see her. And through his many years as a medical examiner, constantly around death, he was probably the one to cope with death the easiest.

"_She would not want you all to linger on her death, Jethro, but cherish the memory of her life."

* * *

_

Her boat took time.

He wanted to make it perfect for her.

Sure, it was not as big and detailed as the Kelly, but it was sturdy and strong and could easily take a party of three or four across Lake Erie.

He found Tony down in his basement more and more often, and most of his alcohol consumed. But his Senior Field Agent never got drunk-drunk, he knew his limits.

Gibbs spent some time by Ziva's grave, thinking, clearing his mind. A tear or two was shed, nothing more, nothing less. But just as sure, he was there at least once a week, just like he'd do for Kate if her grave was closer.

_"Semper Fi."

* * *

_

Soon, it had been half a year since Ziva's death and just when Gibbs thought he was getting his senior field agent back, the young man broke.

"_Here." Tony said quietly, avoiding eye contact, as he set down a file on Gibb's desk. _

_Gibbs looked up at him with questioning eyes until Tony's locked with his. _

"_I've been talking with the director this week." He paused, taking a deep breath and keeping his stoic demeanor. "I put in a request for a transfer. He didn't approve it," _

_Gibbs let out a breath._

"_Fully." Tony could see the slight confusion on his face. "I'm being transferred to Callen's team for a few months, do some undercover work."_

_Gibbs nodded, but there was disappointment, and some hidden sadness. _

"_I just need a change of scenery boss."_

He could admit that there were times when just being in the same room Ziva was once in was a heartbreaking thing to do. And he would cringe every time he looked across the bullpen, seeing the new agent spill coffee all over Ziva's desk. Her clothes still smelt like her and her presence still sweetly haunted him in his dreams.

He wanted her out of his head, but he never wanted her to leave.

* * *

**Okay, next chapter is like…wow, second to last. **

**It's a good one, a bit of a time jump.**

**Favorite lines and such to make my Monday a bright one:D**


	22. Birth

**Second to last chapter and then the epilogue. Wow. This is kinda exciting! But I'm also kinda sad to see this story go.**

* * *

"_Sometimes goodbye is a second chance." –Second Chance, Shinedown_

* * *

**Seven Years Later: Los Angeles, California**

"She's perfect."

Tony smiled, lying down on the hospital bed next to his wife, Emma, and their eight hour old daughter.

The smile on Tony's face could never be matched. With one arm wrapped around Emma and the other gently stroking his daughter's cheek, Tony placed a light kiss to Emma's temple.

"Beyond perfect." He commented as she snuggled her head deeper inside the crook of his neck.

Emma turned her head around to face Tony, her jet-black bob was not as sweaty and messy as it was a few hours ago, it was actually quite tamed. Her soft pink lips and blue eyes smiled as she gave him a quick, sweet kiss.

"Any movies this reminds you of?" But it fell upon deaf ears; Tony was too distracted watching his newborn daughter yawn.

He chuckled. "What?" He looked to Emma, traces of smile and confusion on his face.

"Never mind." She laughed, letting out a yawn. It was Tony's turn to laugh. "We still need a name." she reminded him. "I want something different, something unique, like your niece, Ziva."

Tony twisted his mouth into an awkward smile; he hadn't seen the four year old Ziva in a few months, or Abby and McGee for that matter, and he had missed them.

"You're gunna call them right?" Emma asked softy.

"Yea, yea, tomorrow, it's late."

He was quite for a moment, and she was searching through her head for a name.

"How about…Paget?"

"Like the cash register girl Paget? Or the high school's track coach Paget? Or Paget-" Tony teased.

"Okay, I get it. There are more Paget's than I remember." She bumped her shoulder with his playfully. "Why don't you try, mister hot-shot?"

"How about Janiel?"

Emma twisted her face in thought. "That's a pretty name? Hebrew?"

"Uh-huh. She was an angel."

"That's sweet..." Emma's smile grew larger with every passing moment. "I like it."

She looked down to their baby. "How bout you? _Janiel_? You like that?"

Janiel yawned.

"I'll take that as a yes." Emma completed her sentence with a matching yawn.

"Okay, you should get some sleep mama." He shifted, starting to get out of the bed.

"_Mom_," she whispered to herself. "I can't believe we're parents."

He placed another kiss to her forehead before taking the baby out of her hands. He cradled his daughter lovingly in his arms for longer than he needed to, kissing her nose softly, then putting her gently into the hospital crib.

By the time he turned around, Emma was already half asleep. He smiled and noticed the she was watching him through half closed eyes. Rubbing her cheek gently, he whispered, "I love you." She returned the words.

He smiled, and with his smile came a soft laugh. "I'm gunna go grab a slice downstairs, I'm starving, you want anything?"

She patted his stomach teasingly. "I'm just gunna go to sleep."

* * *

"_She's beautiful." _

Tony had just taken the last bite of his pizza when she appeared beside him. The only light in the room coming from the porcelain lamp on the side table and the only sound coming from Emma's soft snores.

"_They both are."_

"I've missed you." He gave her a small smile, but his eyes did not leave his newborn daughter.

"_I miss you too."_

There was silence, a relaxing soft silence.

"She must hate me." He swallowed hard.

"_She could never hate you. Get annoyed at you, yes, but never hate. And how could she hate you, you did exactly what she asked."_

He sighed.

"_She wanted you to be happy. I could not even count the amount of times I've seen you smile when you're around her."_ She gave him her own smile. _"She loves seeing you smile."_

He racked his brain for something else, but this whole day had been overwhelming. Suddenly, nine months was not enough time to prepare. "McGee…McGee hates me."

"_No, McGee understands, you fell in love. And now look at you, you have a family."_

He stared at the floor, long and hard. They were his family.

"_You still see them. But Emma's right, you should call them. Remember how excited Abby was when she found out Emma was pregnant?"_

"This could have been me and Ziva."

"_No, Tony…it couldn't. You realized you loved her because it was too late. But you…Tony, you gave her a little bit of something she could never have."_

Tony furrowed his eyebrows. "You're hurting my head."

"_You know I'm not good with words. There was a sincere motive."_

Tony let out a light chuckle. "Thanks…I guess."

She laughed_. "Now go call your dad and Gibbs and tell them they have a granddaughter."_ She nodded towards the phone on the nightstand.

"Goodbye Kate." He turned around, locking eyes with her for the first time.

There was a light behind her, the same one that illuminated behind her throughout their conversation. She turned towards it, but not before turning back to him.

"_No, __Lehitra'ot."_

Tony beamed a smile. "I didn't know you could speak Hebrew."

She shrugged._ "I have a good teacher."_

He breathed a laugh; a smile got caught in his chuckle.

"See you soon." He repeated.

* * *

**Like? Hate? Leave me a review!**

**Things will be cleared up in the next chapter, which is going to be pretty long. **


	23. Hallelujah

**Wow. Last chapter. Wow. **

**I am sincerely sorry for the delay, but I guess I didn't want this story to end. But I'm kinda happy it is. It just feels right to end it here. (Well, I guess, the epilogue, next chapter, will be the right-right place)  
**

* * *

"_But l__ove is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah." –Hallelujah, Jeff Buckley._

* * *

It's been twenty-one years since Tony first locked eyes with Ziva.

Fourteen years since Ziva's cancer; since their marriage, since her death.

Eleven since Ziva McGee-Sciuto was born.

Nine years since Tony met Emma; nine years since he fell in love again.

Seven years since Emma found out she was pregnant; since Emma became the second Mrs. Dinozzo; since Janiel Dinozzo was born.

Three years since the Dinozzos moved back to Washington.

Two years since Anthony Dinozzo the Third was born.

And life was moving on.

…

The sun had long set over Washington when Tony and his kids arrived at the desolate beach. The mid-summer night blessed them with a clear sky, the stars shining as bright as the emerald green eyes both his kids dawned.

The threesome picked a spot a few feet away from the softly crashing waves. Tony lay on his back, facing the heavens. Janiel followed him, practically bouncing down on the sand, his warm chuckle pulling her closer. He placed his son on his chest, giving him a quick kiss to his wild black hair.

"Daddy!" Janiel cried almost immediately. "A shooting star!" she pointed eagerly towards the sky.

"Close, that's a plane JJ." He laughs, folding his hands over his son's stomach.

"Daddy?" A little voice questioned after a moment.

"Yea sweetpea?"

"Is grandpa up there?" Janiel asked quietly, talking about Emma's father who had recently passed.

Tony exhaled deeply. "Yea…grandpa's up there. So are a few of daddy's friends." He took another deep breath. "Actually a lot of daddy's friends." He added sadly.

A star shot across the sky.

* * *

"One more daddy…please?" JJ pleaded, her fingers intertwined and her hands clasped together. "Just one."

"Fine." Tony held back a smile. "One. And then bed."

Janiel sunk deeper into the covers. Tony turned to find his son already half asleep. He smiled at his peacefulness.

"Tell the one about the prince and the princess in the box!" Janiel bounced in her bed.

"You've heard that one a million times." Tony rolled his eyes playfully.

"But it's my favorite!" JJ protested.

"Fine." Tony huffed, adding a smile. His daughter lay back down, pulling the covers above her neck, reaching her chin.

Tony quickly moved to story mood.

His voice was clam, happy. "So there they were, the prince and the princess, walking down a street, huge crates of…what were they again JJ, I forgot?"

"Movies! Lots of 'em!"

"Right!" he smacked his forehead. "Movies, my favorite, how could I forget. Remember what kind of movies?"

"James Bond! But only the ones by Terence Young…cause those were the best." She said as a matter-of-factly.

Tony smiled, she was definitely his daughter.

"Exactly. Now, back to the story. So the prince and the princess were minding their business, when all of a sudden, the princess could feel that something was wrong." JJ eyes began to worry. "And then, out of nowhere, the king's minions jumped out from behind the boxes and tried to pelt them with jelly doughnuts." Janiel's eyes lit up with a smile. "And the prince could not let the jelly ruin his fancy suit, so he grabbed the princess and jumped into an open box, closing it behind them. They waited hours before the king's minions finally gave up, but when the princess tried to open the door, it was locked…"

…

After giving his sleeping daughter a kiss to the forehead, and another kiss to his son's forehead, he gently padded to the door, turning off the lamp, and quietly closing the door behind him.

He made his way into the living room, finding Emma sitting peacefully on the couch, flipping through the channels.

"Hey." He flopped down next to her, instinctively wrapping an arm around her and placing a quick kiss on her cheek.

He was surprised by her lack of emotion; his wife was usually a bubble of energy, no matter what time or how much lack of coffee. "You okay?"

"Fine." She said quickly, deciding that the news was a satisfying channel.

Emma never watched the news.

"No, you're not. Something's up." He absently twirled her hair with his index finger.

She hesitated. "Nothing…I just…" she took a deep breath. "I came by the Navy Yard today, to bring you lunch."

"Oh, Em, I'm sorry. I went out for l-"

"McGee told me where you were." She said simply. And he knew.

"There's no way McLoyal actually covered for me, is there?" he rubbed the back of his neck.

Emma was silent.

"Look, it's her birthday…Abby wanted to go, her car was in the shop…"

"Don't explain." She finally turned her head towards him. "I have no problem with you going to her grave every now and then…but Tony, this is the _third _time this month." Her puppy eyes never lied, she was concerned, hurt.

Tony opened his mouth to speak, but she stole his chance. "I know she was your partner, your wife, but it's been _fourteen_ years.."

"Look, I won't go as-"

"You're missing the point Tony. I want to make sure you still don't have feelings for her."

"You think I'd marry you I if still had feelings for her?" he narrowed his eyes.

"Death does things to people Tony, you're in a state of vulnerability, you seek comfort in the first person to offers it."

"I'm not one of your patients Emma!" he shot back, but did not raise his voice.

"My patients are people too Tony! They're not all crazies!"

It hurt to fight with him.

Tony took a deep breath. "I'm not still in love with Ziva." he spoke calmly, trying to end the argument.

She took his hand. "But you miss her."

He tightened his grip.

"I don't compare you to her." He assured her, after a moment.

"I know." Emma kissed his cheek, and laid her head on his chest. "I just don't want you to be hung up over her. I want you to let her go." Her words were slow. "She was dying Tony."

He nodded. His eyes were wet.

"I'm-"

"Don't apologize…that's a rule right?" she picked her head up and met her eyes with his. "And you shouldn't apologize for being a good person."

* * *

The high noon sun was no match against the crisp September wind that nipped at Tony's bare fingers.

He stood in front of the gray marble stone, tightening his scarf around his neck as the wind carried a few colorful leaves past him.

_Ziva David_

_Daughter, Sister, Wife, Friend, Hero. _

"Hey…" he took a few awkward breaths. "I know I was just here yesterday but um, Emma made me kinda realize something yesterday."

He sat down quickly, Indian style, and traced his fingers in her name. "I really miss you." He laughed mirthlessly.

"I do…and maybe I should have waited to be with someone else. I mean five years…is that enough…god I ask you the same questions all the time." He chuckled.

Tony kept a soft smile. "But I'm a very entertaining person, so you must not get bored."

A squirrel scurried to the oak tree next to him, running up it and into a little hole close to the branches.

"I love Emma…" he chuckled absently. "You'd like Emma. She's a good mix of you and Kate. She puts me in place, and she's irresistible." He smiled. "Like Kiva…or Zate."

He is momentarily lost in a fantasy.

But he laughs his way out. "Yea…well," his voice is softer, quieter. "I miss you."

"And everyone was right," he shakes his head. "Only took me fourteen years to accept, but they're right." He holds his tears, strong. "You and I weren't meant to be, we played with fate, and we had one hell of a run. But it wasn't inevitable." He found himself wiping a stray tear from his cheek. "I guess _nothing_ is inevitable, we control our forever. So does fate, but so do we." He chuckles in realization and acceptance, because chuckling is the only thing keeping his tears in place. "Nothing is inevitable."

His smiled a soft, warm smile.

Tony starts to get up, tapping her grave as he does. "Well you're not getting rid of me that easily; I'll be back…unfortunately just not as much. Think you can deal with only hearing my absurd movie references once a year?" he can't seem to wipe that grim off his face.

_"Ani O'hev O'Tach"_

Giving her grave one last final look, and flashing another thousand watt smile, he turned and walked away into the brisk autumn wind.

"L'hitra'ot, crazy ninja chick."

* * *

_the minor fall and the major lift..._

_it's not a cry that you hear at night _  
_it's not somebody who's seen the light _  
_it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah _

_hallelujah... _

* * *

**Translation: "I love you.";; "See you soon/later"**

**Wow.**

**.**

**I just want to thank every single one of my readers, reviewers, and alerters. You guys have made this story a truly amazing experience for me. Even though I do have one other completed story, this feels like my first. I did not expect this story to do as well as it did, and I have you guys to thank.**

**This was such an amazing story to write, and thank you all for putting up with me. You are strong for that haha. **

**I really hope I can get the epilogue done soon. **

**(Also, I picked Hallelujah, because no ending is complete without this song:))**

**I love you all, so much3**

**-Samm (N.C.I.S)**


	24. Forever

**Now this is seriously the last chapter. And I cannot, **_**cannot**_**, believe it. It's done. I'm gunna miss this, but I'm kinda happy it's over, it means I can start working on bigger and better things for all my faithful readers**

**:D**

* * *

_Reflecting now on how things could've been__. __It was worth it in the end__-September, Daughtry._

* * *

…

Death took Anthony Dinozzo as quickly as its wicked hands could.

A heart attack at age 67.

Most likely caused from overworking. After Ziva's death Tony put 120% into every case, same percent he put into his family. It took his mind off of her. Even though sometimes he wanted her to be the only thing on his mind.

* * *

_Anthony D. Dinozzo_

_Agent, Son, Husband, Father, Friend_

"_Here's looking at you, kid."_

* * *

He leaves his wife, Emma, his two grown children, Janiel and Tony Jr., his three young grandchildren, Jethro, Thomas, and Anna.

Tony also leaves behind his best friend Timothy McGee along with his life partner, Abby and their daughter, Ziva, who is pregnant.

He leaves behind Palmer and his wife, three kids, and one grandchild.

He also leaves behind his job, his legacy, his life altogether.

* * *

There is a bright light that read cliché all over it. But Tony's eyes do not squint; the light does not burn his eyes.

Momentarily his stomach feels like it's making its way up to his head, las if he's on a roller coaster. The feelings soon ceases and then, nothing.

He is in a white room, or at least it may be a room. But he can see no walls or floors or ceilings.

Taking a breath, he soon realizes what's happened.

He had felt a numbness and a quick, sharp pain in his chest. And now he was here.

Yea, he had died.

He rubs a hand around his face, its smooth. He rubs a bit harder, both hands now. Then he takes them off his face, inspecting them. Running a hand quickly through his hair he's come to another shocking discovery. He's at least 30 years younger.

He smiles contently. But his happiness is short lived.

He takes a look around at all the white. It's missing someone, something, _anything_.

"Anybody home?" he begins to walk but realizes there's nowhere to go.

And that's when he hears it.

The loud click of heels.

Turning around, he sees her, and beams.

"Kate." He does no realize how loud he says her name or how much glee is in his voice. "How've you been?"

"Dead. Like you." She smiles proudly.

"Yea, kinda figured that. Where am I?" he asks as she comes face to face with him. She's still smiling.

Lifting up her hands slightly, as if she's presenting a showcase on The Price Is Right, she speaks. "You're…_here_." She says simply.

"_Here_?"

"Here."

He waits a moment.

"Is _she_ here?" Kate smiles softly at the hope quivering in his voice.

She nods. "Yes. She's here. We just got the news of your death." Her voice turns perkier with each sentence. "She waiting for you, but I'm the welcome party."

He chuckles. "You've been keeping an eye on her?"

Her smile is not yet gone; she doesn't think it ever will be. "We all have, me, Gibbs, Ducky, Jen. She misses you though. She tells her sister about you." She breathes a laugh.

"I miss her too."

"You can be with her." Kate assures him, putting a hand to his shoulder.

Tony shakes his head slowly. "I love Emma too." He hangs his head.

"Tony." She places her hand underneath his chin, lifting it up. "Somehow, this place finds a way to make you happy, completely…happy. It'll find a way for you to love Ziva, and still love Emma when her time comes. It just does. Don't worry. Not here."

He breathes, her friendly eyes reflecting in his emerald greens.

"Welcome to forever Tony." She places a soft kiss on his cheek. He twitches a smile. "Now go, she's been waiting for you." Kate holds back her lower lip, directing him to turn around.

And so he does.

There, looking exactly as he left her, only more healthy and perhaps more beautiful than he remembered, was Ziva David.

Her delicately strong olive face, decorated with her chocolate glistening eyes and sweet smile, is surrounded by her soft brown curls. As he realizes it's her, his smile grows wider and his breathing becomes filled with light chuckles.

"Shalom Tony." Her lips curl inwards.

"Ziva." he breathes, overwhelmed.

She walks towards him, his feet choose not to move. Placing her both hands on his cheeks, she is soon covered by the warmth of his own hands on top of hers.

His eyes melt into hers lovingly and she cannot believe that after all these years her stomach still fills with butterflies, and neither can he.

Ziva places her nose on Tony's. But she cannot cry; this place has collected all tears, along with pain and sadness.

"I missed you." Her voice is barely a whisper, but it still tickles his lips.

He cannot resist another moment of his lips not on hers and he soon fills the gap between them. He lets go only for a moment, and quickly misses her taste, so he kisses her again.

He wraps her hands in his and slowly moves both of them both down.

"I heard you've been talking about me." He smiles and almost shivers as her hands move up to his neck.

She laughs. "Perhaps." A smirk slips from her lips. "I saw your children, and Emma. They're beautiful."

"Heh, thanks." Neither of them has torn their eyes off of each other.

"Gibbs sort of misses you." She teases.

"Well he's got no one to slap up here."

"I believe he can hear you." She chuckles.

"Think they allow headslaps here?" he smiles once more before kissing her. And he holds his stare for a moment when he lets go. His eyes are full of love, its a look she misses, and its a look he misses giving her.

"Come on," she intertwines her hand in his. "Let's go."

"Where to?" he asks as they walk in no particular direction.

"To _forever_."

* * *

_I will love you all my life and when I die I will still love you through eternity and beyond._

_._

_Fin._

* * *

**Review. And thank you all again so much for staying with me throughout this story. You guys mean so much to me. **

**-Samm**


End file.
